They say the saddest people are the ones who smile and laugh the most
I believe That's true..
You don't understand how hard it is to wake up everyday and put on a mask, & laugh and smile at everything just to get you outta my head..
Just to keep the dreadful thoughts away, they won't leave no matter how much I demand, but then again I don't expect you to understand... Cause I refuse to say a word to you, but my broken eyes beg and plead for you to notice, to notice I'm not okay, that's why when I look at you or others I smile, hoping that maybe you'll see how fake it is, that behind it are tears ready to explode out.. So why won't I jus tell you? Why not jus say how I truly feel.. Why can't I jus be honest about the situation at hand.....
I don't because I know
you won't understand....

Hey, kid
Your eyes hold things only grown men should see
Don't worry, little one, the sting of mortality only lasts for forever
Hey, kid
The way you lug your weary body around haunts my sleep
Don't worry, little one, the bad certainly cannot last for eternity
Hey, kid
Is that a knife in your hand?
Come on, little one, think things through
Life won't always be unfair to you  
Hey, kid
Why'd you **** her?
That orphanage could have been your saving grace
Now you're indefinitely
A ward of the state
Hey, kid
I found your brothers and sisters
Their gravestones side by side
How lovely they look, adorned with dead flowers
Kid, where's your ma?
Hey, you can't go in there
Come on, buddy, the cops'll find ya
Let's go home
Hey......
Arson won't solve your problems, kid
I'm losing hope
In your lost world
I tried to help ya, kid
But you have to want
To be savable
Hey........
I just got the call
What a shame, what a waste
I'll miss you, kid.

Little money.
No bed to rest your body.
Just boxes of your life
waiting to move again and again...
Packed away are my anxieties.
The pressure within my head.
The lump within my throat.
I would cry if I didn't choke.
I hear the children,
they pray to be older, pray to be 23.
Little do the see the domino effect from abuse to sobriety.
Struggles come bundled like presents under the tree.
I tell myself tomorrow will rise a better me.
It's hard to let go, the stress from the outside to within.
Tell myself tomorrow I will rise a stronger woman.
I will rise mighty with the grace of the Lord.
It will be alright...

It's 11.23 am
And I've nothing left to say
I think I'll allow some sleep tonight
So I don't have to feel this way