I get angry and crazy
Each second
More and more
I am sweet and I am caring
Up to the moment I switch
Triggered
Crushed
Whatever it is
I'm going to try to destroy myself
While holding on for dear life
I am ready to go
I don't want to take you down with me
I secretly just want someone to save me
Save me from myself
I'm far worse than anyone else
I don't mean to frustrate you
I don't mean to scare you
I just want to feel safe again

And I clawed at my skin
Till it was ******, raw.
I pushed, pinched,
Dug my nails in,
Just looking for the red beneath,
While my hands shook
And the tears slipped down my cheeks,
I tore my own flesh apart.

like ******* crumbs you're
still on my tongue the
stomach ache I can't
escape

the old haunt I missed
before ever stepping through the
door

the scrape on my knee ghost
of which still stings

and for a while still,

I  may cry at normal
things.

I crave emotion like I crave pizza
But I can't have it
I can't let myself devour every ounce of love that comes my way
I can't become dependent on the infamous L word that has broken me
I'm emotionally anorexic,
But sometimes I'm bulimic
Sometimes I'll hunt down my prey, and **** them dry of their love
I'll crave it until I'm stuffed full, and then I'll purge it out
I'll tell them I hate them,
I'll tell them to leave forever
I'll push them away until I'm broken and sad and alone
And anorexic again
Until I'm back where I belong, in the corner of my room
Crying, sobbing, craving affection, but not letting myself have it
Because I don't want to be fat with lust
I can't gain a single pound because if I do
I'll be weak.

the black lines
i draw across my wrist
have nothing to the red blood
that washes away with my tears

the black lines
i draw across my wrist
keep me sane
because i can
rinse away the sorrow

the black lines
i draw across my wrist
can't take away
the pain of tomorrow
but can take away
the pain of today

the black lines
I draw across my wrist
can't compare to
the sharpness of
the smooth silver blade
i tore out of a
pencil sharpener

The black lines
i draw across my wrist
won't last for long
not leaving a scar
nor a sign that shows
i am not strong enough

This poem is called Boys are Curious.
Because that's what you told me that day.
And if boys are curious,
My body is a treasure map.

I was an atlas for trespassers.
I had a horizon of hope in these eyes,
And my forest hid lust & mystery like it wanted to be found.
My acreage was pure and undiscovered.

If I hadn't scared you away yet,
I've heard that there was passion locked somewhere.

But because boys are curious,
My edges are creased and torn.
The sun has left me shaking in the cold.
I have been sought by the hands of greed enough times,
I've forgotten where I've hidden my treasure.

So, boys are curious.
He left me a field landmines.

Your mind clouds over,
Believing you were stronger.
Nothing will end this curse,
It haunts you every day and drags you deeper into your own dark mind.
Waves of tears crash from your eyes,
New lines appear as you break down more and more.
No one will hear your silenced screams,
No one will help you from yourself.

She is gone now
The anchors of her heart dragging her to the depths below
Hands grappling for air as she sank
Eyes full of fear and despair
Hair swirling around her face like the thoughts in her head
She is gone now
I pray that you'll remember her
I pray that you will love her forever too
Because she ******* died for you.

The mere smell of cigarette smoke triggers something in my brain
I can suddenly feel the kisses you left on my lips
And the places you laid your hands upon sting
I crave your touch
I need it to survive
I'm addicted to you.