On a distant shore
I travel to you
I've twisted the top off my head
& filled it with thoughts of you
For safe keeping.
If by chance you hear my voice
While you read them.
You'll know they were meant for you.
If by chance they stretch cross
The lake of your womb
You'll know that a part of me
Will always reside in you.
I slouch in excitement
The only container I know.
An octopus trapped in a bottle
Your breath a taste of freedom

Help. I am unfolding.
Becoming the vast ******* bin that is my mind.
U n f o l d i n g.

Chased by thoughts, memories, and obsessions that need to be gone.

G O N E. G O N E. G O N E. My logical side has left with my ability to cope.
They were cheating on my poor little brain with
Depression, OCD, Anxiety, Diet Bipolar, and the rest.

M  y     m  i  n  d     i  s     a     m  e  s  s

Every thought the same. Every idea, a mess.

I    a  m    a    w  r  e  c  k

**** me. The waves of icky thoughts stick to me like wet sand.
I have become a tragedy.   U N F O L D I N G

Spinning in thoughts, dancing with death.
I've started to roll the 6 sided die, to determine my fate.
I'm waltzing with death itself. Don't get jealous. But we've kissed once or twice.
Hundreds of notes, notes that go to the fiery flames, when I don't use them.
Boy the book I could've written, with my U N F O L D I N G notes.

Choked out by the forces that make me scream
Face shoved into the dirt
Boot, between my shoulder blades
Exist in the perfect cacophny of crying and failed escapes

Dragging me into the rivers of salt lined water
Tears don't form when you are underwater
So drown the innocence out of me so I can't think past the smell of dirt
Cover my throat with a shirt, and wait for me to emerge

The sound of a snap, and a flash
I am trapped, kept from coming clean with a photograph
Curled into a ball, trapped in time
Bound in that awful grime

Listening to "Dance Hall Drug" realizing the meaning
And suddenly my head is bleeding
The clock has turned red, and I've lost my head in a guillotine
It's okay, just light a match and watch me disappear; I'm kerosene

I'm easy to control, with a photo
And I'm just an average depressed ****
Drowned into the person I should be
And I guess I am the best depressed verision of me, lost at sea

Clamate dolor

He stood silently amidst the darkness,
staring at the shimmering light in the distance.
Confined in his own thoughts he wondered about the mysteries of life,
and of his own existence.

He found himself trapped within a fake reality,
one with fake people telling nothing but lies.
Where everyday people would put on meaningless smiles,
trying to hide their hopeless eyes.

He felt all alone,
all alone in this world without hope.
“Worthless” was the only thing he thought of himself,
as he found his life going down a *****.

Calling out, I hear her name now
Falling now, I've never even seen the ground
Trust in sound, the truth could never persuade
Hear me now, I'll never seek to replace you

I can see her messy hair in my nightmare
An angels smile and piercing eyes, this fear is not fair
I've given love, I've given lies, I've given blank stares
I've broke inside, and cannot hide, that I don't care
I've been living, breathing constant calamities
Existant on the false notion that we are born free
The leaky faucet always seems to undermine my speech
I'm sideways drifting in a system come and follow me

It's in my mind playing over and over
She's my best card and so I know I gotta hold her
The perfect moment always seems like a fantasy
A slave to my own misconceptions guess I can't be free
Slowly the moon comes in and chokes out the sun
I'm so out of touch with reason that I've lost my love
Making memories of self inflicted verbal warfare
I'm addicted to this substance and I can't care
Empty hallways make me revisit my childhood
And empty feelings all I find when I should feel good
I'm slowly making my way into a revival
I guess I knew that all along
I'd have to die first

I can see her messy hair in my nightmares,
Blackest eyes like soulless voids give me a scalding glare,
Torn asunder is the room that she would meet me
Her every word a hate fueled curse made to defeat me
I'm a lion in the pit of her anotomy
She got this rope around my neck and swears to God I'm free
It's copacetic all the torture that we give ourselves
Recite the mantras, karma sutra, what's your mental health?

I'm down with the dirt but youre trying to bury me
Can't stop this sin-seeking self fullfilled prophecy
Dabbling mystic
I'm channeling spirits
Fueled by the desperate, I give up my last breath, please read all my subtext, forshadowing what's next, we lean on the substance to balance our morals and rewrite our systems to claim holy laurels
I'm testing it,
Invest in it,
I can't wait, to lay to rest in it
Testing it
Invest in it
Testing it
Make it flip Make it flip OUT!

One two three three two one

Two three four three

Wait no wasn’t it four?

Start over

One two three three two one

Two three four four three two one

There you go

Continue and we will be just fine

Three four five five four three two one

Did I lock the door?

****

Start over

One two three three two one

Two three four four three two one

Three four five five four three two one

Four five six six five four three two one

You sure that was right?

Better start over just to be safe

But

Start over

One two three three two one

Two three four four three two one

Three four five five four three two one

I feel as though I am a caged bird,
Unable to speak nary a thought or a word.
I cannot fly away from my troubles,
As time moves on, my burden only doubles.
I was so happy before, but now sadness reigns,
Surprising how confusion and doubt can cause such pains.
I can choose to be free, and forever be sad,
Or remain in this cage, yet my heart will be glad.

You don't need a tall tower
With staircases twisting  for miles
Or cameras watching at every hour
Making sure you stay idle
To lock someone off and away,
Give all the fake freedom
Keeping them closely at bay
Hand them beautiful desires
With no emotion behind them,
Learning nothing gold can stay.

Hand off lots of paints and pens
Let them fall in love with an art
Then call it waste restricting passion.
Build them up to be flawless,
Put later to a mirror, showing hardness
In their weight, their love, their soul.
Treated like puzzles stealing just a piece
So they may never feel whole.

You don't need a cage to hold a prisoner
Not a single iron bar is needed
Just strip them of their worth
Until they sit stoic and defeated.

A mist clouds over my being,
Saturating the lungs that want to sing,
I feel tears that yearn to come out,
My entire body just wants to shout.

But quiet tears remain within,
With words trapped—a voice grows thin,
What is this mist that surrounds my heart,
******* it, I just want to tear it apart.

To rip myself open and wide,
And hear my soul that has cried,
What is this mist clouding within,
Stifling myself, my feelings therein.