and i can't feel like myself,
i'm locked inside the world of,
somebody else.
where the walls feel like a box,
and this skin feels like a toxin
to me.

i wanna be free

Queens Loves Poets. (for Em MacKenzie)
———————————————————-

Kings love making war,
no wonder, the people,
remember well fond
their femi-mine
rulers with femi-fervor,
Queens, who loved poets.

You fear Jesus,
Adore Mary,
generosity of understanding.
because it is hard
for woman to do
cruelty,
till she has been abused
by men who thought
they were kingly by being
beknighted, unbeheaded
for now at least.

Men who invented Brandy,
in the be of night,
were stupid men,
they forgot alcohol, the
Brandy of Channing,
is not fit for manning,
for it is a
toxin, like me, like me.

Poison in the blood
Toxins in the veins
Pain

A vile of acid on your tongue.

You words are like toxins I inhale,
suffocating every breath I take,
injecting self doubt in my veins.
Muscles trembling with every pace,
landfiling my heart with every beat.

Blaming and calling
crazy and emotional
in response to your says,
leaving me to question
my own sanity everyday.

You felt like a insidious catalyst;
a cancerous wound,
a rabid havoc,
a malicious destruction
withering me in the subtlest of ways.

But here we are once again,
rekindling old flames
even when we know it's poisonous for us to stay.

Don't know if we're too weak to leave
or are too mindlessly lusting
for the poison to infiltrate our bloodstream
and corrupt us  to our cellular level.

Either way, it's a grosteque addiction
for the soul, mind and heart.

I don't know if you can see,
What I have become
For so long and so far,
Has been the distance that I run

Yet no matter how hard I try
To stand against the cold
It freezes me straight to the core
And so I stand alone

I found you, I fell for you
I guess it's meant to be
The strength of my true self
And the other turned its cheek

Surrounded by the bitterness
I fought for what I love
But now this Hell bares witness
To see it's not enough...


Oh how I love to love you so,
To touch your pretty face
The moment I laid eyes on you
My anguish was erased

But when you're far from my reach
My arms are filled with lead
A poison spreading through my mind
A fate to strike me dead


I saw you as my everything,
Isolation was my foe
So hard it seemed at times to me
To let that poison go

I knew it wasn't possible
I said it so myself
But you have always loved me like
Nobody else

The mirror shows the sticks and stones
That broke my very heart
It's held together by my faith
A faith that hates to last

So I push it further and further still
I want to stay by you
But the voices whisper in my ear
IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!!


Oh how I love to love you so,
To touch your pretty face
The moment I laid eyes on you
My anguish was erased

But when you're far from my reach
My arms are filled with lead
A poison spreading through my mind
A fate to strike me dead


It's hard to live with myself
Knowing only I care
The second one never begun
He hates the way I stare

You're so god-**** beautiful
It really makes me think
Some stories are repeats
Here's Beauty, here's the Beast!

No matter what she says to me
I'll always love you, you know
That's why I'll never say goodbye
I'll hold out for hope


Oh how I love to love you so,
To touch your pretty face
The moment I laid eyes on you
My anguish was erased

But when you're far from my reach
My arms are filled with lead
A poison spreading through my mind
A fate to strike me dead

This poison taking over me,
I figured out its name...
The poison is Obsession
And it will take me to the grave...

The poison is Obsession
And won't miss my dying day...

I painted the pollution in the sky with my own blood
I was proud
So I sat below it, as it dripped back down
Puddle by puddle
I can see what it was that pain passed on
The pollution of my own wreckage
Thick, it choked my breath
I stress over my own twisted toxins
Carrying the weight of me
On my back

Back home.

I want to speak
I want to say hello
I want to say I love you and I always have
I want to tell you I keep going in hopes that one day
I might really know you
I want to tell you how even though you are human,
Somehow, you are perfection
I want to say I'll be there for you when no one else is
I'd love to tell you death is a small price to pay
To see you smile

But instead I tell you nothing at all
Because my voice,
My voice is a toxin
That freezes hearts
And when I speak
The toxin pierces my lips
And I am helpless to stop it

It wouldn't matter what I'd say
My voice would stab you as if it were a knife
And it would leave permanent scars

My voice would stain you with
All of the horrors that are me

So I'll keep those words to myself
And pray that you'll find someone
That can make you
Smile