i'm always a secret
but not the kind that's kept

my name is only said
in whispers,
private moments,
and in your head

i'm only looked at
from across the room,
passing in the halls,
and when i'm pretty like the moon

it's all the same,
people are shocked i know your name

i'm here for you when you need it,
when its convenient

i don't dare wave or say hi
i'll cave before i say goodbye

we've gone through more,
we've been here before

it's not anything new,
it's just me and you

you're right in front of me
but we're miles apart
stare in your face
while you tear at my heart

mutual assured destruction
we're both ****** up
you can't even function

i say i love you
do i mean it?
you say it back
have you ever seen it?

mutual assured destruction
we're in it for the fun
i don't really care
just hand me the gun

The look in your eyes was tantalizing
Your lips were moist like morning dew
Your hands were trembling like thunder
Your hair were soft like strands of sand
And I was transfixed by your beauty.
I am so happy that I call you my lover
I could hold you in all our lifetimes.
I would wipe your tears as they fall like autumn leaves.
Truth be told, I find your touch so Catastrophic.
When you trace your fingers against my jaw,
my body melts into your touch.
Lovers in a dying flame,
I want to take you all before I perish.
Darling, the wounds you gave me are Catastrophic.

Your hands have been crafted
by a rare and delicate melody.
One that sweeps me completely and raptures my affection,
Such charming beauty you possess my love.
I bring my disgraceful lips
to your merciless fingers,
that left imprints on my neck earlier.
Your demeanor is that of a white swan
sparkling in an illusory lake.
As I step inside deep water to try
to reach your magnificent being.
It's not the flames of indifference that burn my soul,
rather your casual wit and coy smiles.
Pretentious laughter as if you actually care.
The lake is now suffocating my lungs.
The cool waves strike my weeping skin,
so opposite to your firing touch.
This is what you wanted from the very beginning my love.
Now, don't bestow me your unreachable pity.
In my dying moments, even your shadow did not grace me with its presence.
Now that I am completely lost in your maze,
I want to ask you in this haze.
Are you now joyous my love?
Are you now satisfied?
Are you celebrating the fortune of my perish?
You don't have any blood on your hands,
I have killed myself over this love.
You are still the white swan, mesmerizing all with your innocence.
And I am here at the bottom of the lake,
Drowning in helpless awareness, unaware of the extent of your cruelty.
The warm blue hues silently shut my eyes,
gifting me more peace than you ever could.
The real misfortune is that even in my last breath, I could only take your name.
I have only ever known your love.
I have only ever known your cruelty.
I don't mind the loneliness.
I don't mind the helplessness.
I just craved belongingness.
I just wish that the white swan herself would have drained me of life by kissing my lips.
When the light of life was finally replaced by miserable darkness, all I could do was reach out to hold your hand.

I don't know how to start this
But I swear it's ******* with my mind
Cause the way you never miss
And the way it makes me cry

Why's she always first?
And the way you always seem to make it worse
Why can't I just ignore it?
For her I'd just die for it

It makes me sick
It makes me cry
It makes me wish I could denie
Denie the fact that she's important
To repair your broken comportment

I hate your jokes
I hate my life
It's tiring me
It makes me die

And yet I always seem to come back trying
Trying to keep myself from falling
Into that deep cage again
Where I never seem to be the same

And I love her
I really do
But your indecisive way of being "you"
Makes my mind go back again
To the place I've always fell

And I tired to ignore it
Annoyed I avoided
Avoided my feelings
Desperate to cover the grave
Where I hid my toxic trait.