as my toes go numb,
i wade into the water...
and let the drips
turn into a storm.

I’ve always been peculiar
                                      My poems are self-assured nonsense
Chaos is soothing
                                                    Unique is a matter of perspective

pulling at your limbs
rubbing sleep from your eyes
dragging yourself through

I'm tossin' around,
I feel like a clown,
The world's rollin' over me

I'm goin' to town
I keep fallin' down
This atmosphere's killin' me

It's been a long day
And the night is gettin' longer

I ain't no alley cat
Or a black and white striped robber

I need to go to bed,
So I'll wake up in a morn,
With some pepper in my step,
Feelin' like I've been reborn
But the clock is tickin' by
And the well is gettin' dry
So let's all go to sleep
For a while.

i'm tired.

i'm tired of things i know i can't control but still try my **** hardest to.

i'm tired of smiling all throughout the day making sure the people i'm talking to don't think of me as a **** joy.

i'm tired of faking a laugh just to please the people who throw jokes at me as if i'm not in the room with them.

i'm tired of walking as fast as i can back to my place so i could finally be in peace.

i'm tired of always finding myself in situations i'd rather not be found as i sit in the corner blurring the noise out by reading stuff on my phone.

i'm tired of fitting in.

a heart is not a bone,
i suppose it can not be broken .

it's a muscle,
strained far beyond its proper use .

it does not work the same anymore,

honestly
i'd be surprised
if it wanted to work at all .

watching the same collage video on a loop of
leaves drying up
snow melting under the surface of a sweating floor
you leap up to grab me but there's only a cloud of moonlight coming through your window
you feel the arresting tackle of all the butterflies leaping out of your chest with rapid eye movement like the eyelash kisses you would give the mirror
the fluttering turning their wings into  heavy blades that leave a pinkish glow on your chest

my name was worn out that spring and you never learned to turn the light on at night

I thought your heart
Still beat in time with mine
But the last rose
From the bouquet you gave me
Was wilted and dying.
I ignored the signs.
I ignored the sound
Of your heart
Finding a new rhythm —
It’s own rhythm.
Our story is over.
The song has elapsed,
The curtain has fallen,
The book has been closed
And you are gone.
Moved on.
Intrigued by something —
By someone —
New.
Now I’m alone
And I feel
...nothing.

Feel depressed
Take time to myself
Get called lazy

Keep busy for them
Not doing enough

Stimulate my system
Now I’m reckless;
Stop
Energy plummets

Lazy again
Forget things...
Lots of things...
Why can’t you remember?
Am I not important to you??

They’re always angry
Never doing enough
Never helpful enough
They are all that matter

Wait.

What about me?

You’re lazy.
You’re not doing enough.
Get up and help.

I can’t.

Yes you can, c’mon.

I. Can’t.

Worthless.

And now

More depressed.