Simple isn't the same as easy.

Waiting isn't the same as staying
 awake
Hearing isn't the same as heeding
 commands
Walking isn't the same as staying
 dry
Shooting isn't the same as hitting
 your target
Advancing and isn't the same as dodging
 the bullets
Fighting isn't the same as killing
 men.

Simple isn't the same as easy.
Living isn't the same as living
 with your memories.
Dog, Easy, Fox;
an uneasy company of brothers.

Depression.
It feels like I'm constantly fighting myself
It's as though I require pep talks and prizes for doing the daily essentials of living
I need to shower but i fight it worse than I fight sleep
I want to nap
Wake up and take a nap to recoup from taking a nap
My bed is welcoming and my sadness needs a refuge.
I hide under the covers and I bring along anxiety so it doesn't feel left out
I wouldn't be complete if they didn't want to fly hand in hand.
My depression compliments my anxiety
Three days without showering. Five days without brushing her hair. That's a new record.
The hair was all you replied anxiety. I'm just here to make sure she feels like she's drowning before the water hits her shoulders.
Heavy.
My arms are made of up all my forgotten dreams
And my legs are weighed down my parents disappointment
Lifting myself off the couch is easy
So easy I don't want to do
It'd be an easy feat
Lies.
If it were easy it wouldn't be 2am and I wouldn't be surrounded by wrappers and guilty thoughts
Hold me.
Just ******* hold me.
Don't kiss me like I'm pretty.
Don't run your hands up my thigh like you have to touch me
Don't stare at me until my skin is ablaze and I lose all willpower.
Don't even ******* hold me
I hold myself
I put the pieces back
I dust myself off
I shower
I brushed my hair today.
Today was a good day.

you worth more than you think
you are more beautiful than you know
you are stronger than you believe

and you are loved
oh
so
loved

when will you realize
the love living within my heart
resides
survives
exists

only for you

gossip
like a
raging fire
burning, glowing
wild flames
steam rising
crackling popping
red, hot
spreading uncontrollably
who knows
what will
survive, escape
amidst the debris
everything lost
anger, tears

and the
fire fighters
come only
to explain
“source, unknown”

cookie dust and giggling
again again again
soft soft skin little hands and sour breath for
a moment we are the same and you
little and young and whole run to me and
I am also whole occasionally
Especially with little arms around my
Neck
still in shock at the way love and
selfishness coincide and simultaneously
we survive. I strive to be kind out I am selfish for
wanting more time with little you (and also) so
full of love
giving you all (everything) I can spare.

To survive
We need food, water, and rest.

But to live
We need friendship, love, trust, and hope.

Because with those we are surviving not living.

eat to survive
come home to survive
nothing ever done
to really live

indulged in work
escape from her reality
from everything that
drags her down

so what happens
when the work is done
when the time comes
to "enjoy life"

does she force herself
to face her true reality
the very thing
she's been running from?

or does she throw herself
into something else, another escape
another distraction
eat to survive