Why is it that you don't exist in my mind
When I see people why are they just shapes
My thoughts, why are they shackled in a selfish bind
How do I uncover my empathetic eyes behind drapes

I so badly wish to be a good person just once
Yet one moment of right is delved in false intentions
All of my attempts to be a hero are only theatric stunts
Why do I constantly and carelessly crave attention

Where did my wretched personality begin
Could I have been born covered in expectations
Did I see their lightened gaze and grow dim
So absorbed in what they say I can become, stuck in elevation

By pushing everyone away did I raise the anchor
Or did I trap myself in a shadowed cage called loneliness
Was all my love, kindness, and joy the ploy of a faker
Possibly a plea for some guide of life; though useless

Why is it so hard to be great and virtuous
I may never know after detaching parts of me
Why is being great compared to goodness so arduous
An evil king who kills and the poor people who die innocently
I wish I'd chosen the ladder

Caught within
the cot I built
to slaughter
all the goals that fit

A miasma, thick
with success and stress
in growth, the wisest
call duress

on my throne
sits the black honed axe
seething at my fauna,
as I contemplate their imminent trauma

I'd rather watch them grow
as steel plummets to their throats
augmenting my flock of ghosts
enclosing the lonesome cot and throne

You are disappointed
You expected to win
You smiled through the pain
You saw how they pointed at you and talked behind your back
You tried your best
It’s okay...
Don’t blame yourself
There is always a time to fail
And a time to succeed

There, a distant rumble, a wistful tickle of memory,
of lauded youth, expectant and callow, and now,
hubristic dreams long swamped, regretted, he sits alone,
the past unspoken, the opaque night thicker, heavier,
the clock nearly sated, and the sepia promise of a certain
time tattered, irretrievable, he nods and brightens
at lessons well learned.

A thud sound
Of me falling?
From the sky height
Into the deep sea.
This internal unfamiliar silence  of the waters below,
Is eating me up.
Can you hear me?
I scream with my throat dry,
I dream with my hopes high,
The shallow waters Don’t echo my voice,
So I'm letting go a deeper dive.
This external familiar voice of everything above the sea –
my success or failure?
Makes me bury myself into the truth more deep
Makes me worried of the soul which never came to me
So, I shut my eyes
See a bright yellow light
Run toward it to seize a whole new sight
Calmness of  the internals
Don't excite my bored old soul.
But I still am worried about my past above the sea.
A swish sound
Of me rising.
Back from the deep sea into the high sky
Never thought I will give up of being shy
With a motive to live,
With wings to fly,
With a hope to dream,
Which my failure had taught me.

Success is in my blood
As my efforts arise like a flood!

Waking up with the power to acquire the success I ran behind,
My head starts to spin as soon as I hit my bed empty-handed.

I ate my feeling away,
Digested the food but not the emotions.
Punched my stomach, just to stop my hunger.

My state of mind died,
while I counted the calories I consumed.

I lost nine kgs but I'm still sad.
Maybe my body wasn't the problem all along.
Maybe it was me, not accepting myself,
Whilst accepting people who really didn't care.

But I'm ready to break my boundaries.
I'm ready to grow and not just belong.

I like the relation between the words
"Run" & "Reflect"
When You're in cave
You race to be perfect!