tell me you understand
pretend you can feel my pain
put yourself in my shoes
buy me food when I say I'm not even hungry
watch my face when I leave the bathroom
ask if I've eaten
care
at all

don't do any of these things
I'm giving that up for good

no one knows pain
like
the ones
who
curse their beloveds
and
bleed their heart
dry


like
the ones
who
watch blood bubble up
from wounds
self-made

the ones
who
fill themselves up
just
to empty it all
in a bathroom stall

the ones
who
refuse their meals
and
live for the scale
because
numbers
don't leave

the crying poet
the bleeding cutter
the vomiting bulimic
the starving anorexic
the lost
the empty
the lonely
the unloved

the ones
who
love too much
and
not enough

no one knows pain
like
humans know pain

have you ever wanted
to cut your wrists
so much
that you bleed out

so much
that all you feel is numb
and raw

have you ever wanted
to starve yourself
so much
to the point of starvation

so much
that your thighs don't touch
and all the fat is gone

have you ever wanted
to end it all
so much
that you dream about it

so much
because when you're finally gone
it'll be so much easier for everyone else



-k.l.

"you've gotten bigger."
you say to me
as we eat at the same tree
that we have eaten at since grade 7.

"your hair looks horrible"
you say to me
as we get ready to go
to his party.

"your acne is coming back"
you say to me
as we get ready for prom
and our dates.

and one day
i skip lunch
and you ask why
and i shrug.

and one day
i curl my hair for the first time
and you as why
and i shrug.

and one day
i wear lots of make up
and you ask why
and i shrug.

but that night
i slit my wrist
and swallowed pills
instead of dressing up.

why you might ask?
because i'm horrendous
inapplicable
disgusting.

don't you remember
the days you reminded me?
well here you go.