The most painful type of pain,
Is the pain, we never knew would come,
Betray'd by our senses.
The most painful type of pain,
Turns us into trustless husks,
of Who we used to be.

Music in one ear,
Chatter in the other.

An endless stream of thoughts in the other,
A restless mind in the other.

Smother'd by the descending fogs of doubt,
Another moment,
Another fake smile.

I will laugh with you,
as I hide inside.

Otherwise,
under covers,
Today is,
Just like any other.

~Robert van Lingen

Some kind of day this has become
If only I could spontaneously combust,
Like a star in the night sky
Burning bright in one final blaze of glory
Before it’s all gone
Spontaneous human combustion,
The headline would read.
How marvelous that would be.

My mind’s checking in to checking out,
I’ve decided I don’t want to know what the ending’s about.
I’m tired of gaining wrinkles under my sunken eyes,
and I’m sick of grey hairs and done with grey skies.

The skeletons are stacked and toppling out from my closet,
the space is barely enough for the ones born in the past ten years.
They tap and they rap and even try to claw it
but I’ve soundproofed the walls and even plugged my ears.
The gasoline has been splashed on the ground,
and I’m buying matches by the pound.

I’ve got a war campaign between my heart and my head,
bleach doesn’t clean the stain from the mass of bloodshed.
I’m tired of holding my tongue and hiding a quivering lip,
and I’m ignoring all those who tell me to “just get a grip.”

The demons are pushing their way out from under my floorboards,
They’ve always cracked but now they also screech.
I search in hope for some rope but only find extensions cords,
and even then they’re fully used or slightly out of reach.
The gasoline has been splashed on the ground,
and I’m buying matches by the pound.

I guess this would be my goodbye
but absolutely nothing about it is good.
Let us not pretend to cry,
but admit I made it further than I should.
There’s a certain strength in keeping your eyes open;
a certain strength that I just lack,
skip all the words, they don’t need to be spoken
just please let me sleep in a place that’s forever pitch black.

Chicken Scratch,
chicken scratch,

   Scribbles, smashed against the page.

You are my Poem.

~Robert van Lingen

Let's get drunk on whiskey
Stay up until 4 am having ***
Laughing about everything
Kissing passionately under the lights
Our shadows bouncing off the walls
Our bodies bouncing off each other

Let's snort some *******' *******
While listening to that Eric Clapton song
Do lines off our bodies
While we eat ****** Chinese
And watch Netflix documentaries

Let's drive off at dawn
A full tank of gas
With the sunroof wide open
Singing a mix of random throwback tunes
Talking about things we don't tell anyone else
Guzzling coffee as the miles tick on

Let's buy a plane ticket
Destination : any ******* where
Pack a bag and leave for a week
Feed each other delicacies
Walk along the cobblestones at midnight
Go to places we can't even pronounce
Sleep in all day
Stay up all night

Let's be together for a long *** time
Forever only means so much
I mean a long *** time
That's more measurable
Measure the memories
Through tears and laughter
Kisses and meals
Cuddles and dates
I'd like a long *** time of that
But not just with anybody
Only with you

I saw her there beside the sea,
the way she laughed at it
like the sea spoke to her
as it washed the sand tickling her feet
she looked at me
not how most people look at each other
but with shy eyes
asking me to join her
I sat there beside her
she covered her hands with her long sleeved shirt
took my hand and put it against the wet sand

"the sea has felt every feeling there is to feel, give away the pain you've been forced to feel, it will sink it in away from you, wait for it," she said

I knew at that moment she was my destiny,
but is she real

We'll go skydiving together
And not think about the future
Quickly plunging into
A new life

We'll travel together
And see the world
Letting the past
Melt behind us

We'll be us
With no fears of future
With no hauntings of history
Together

there was always a way to tell you i love you
yet it didnt have to be said
nor to be felt
it was the unseen moments
the spontaneity of it all

i was always told that
the eyes never lie
so i hope that every time
you catch me staring at you
you'll finally realize
that i have always loved you
and always will.