If I wrote a song about me
The intro would be a happy melody.
I’d miss a couple chords
Hum some notes a little too sharp
But it’s okay

The first verse would be laughter
Dancing through the sun’s rays
White keys beneath my fingers
Playing the major

The second verse would fog over
minor notes bleeding through
each wrong sound a confession
I prayed no one would hear

The chorus would unravel
Restless chords, circling, choking
A violin played with shards of glass

The third verse would be filled with screaming
Raw and jagged
Into the void where I hoped to disappear
The fourth would fade into silence
And the fifth would hollow to a ghost

Then the devil's interval would loop, waiting for the next line

I never went all in
Just stuck to the small stakes
Kept my bad habits running
Even when I felt destroyed
Like a car running without brakes
I don’t know if its only you or a selected few
Maybe some of the **** I didn’t see through
And
I don’t know if I lacked compassion for all of my partners,
Or everyone I ever knew
But I feel stuck when I’m awake
Running when I’m asleep
The hill I need to climb to get back to myself
Feels way too steep
And while I’m waiting for the final break
Maybe I’m already in too deep
I feel addicted to heartache
Because I can’t let go of this heartbreak
Please just fall asleep

I don’t know, maybe it’s the coffee—
Black as the night, strong as a decision
I can’t take back,
But I always add too much sugar,
And it never tastes right.

Or maybe it’s the way the sun hits my face
In the morning,
Like it’s trying to wake me up
When I don’t want to be woken,
Like it’s pushing me toward something
I’m not ready for.
I could stay in bed forever,
Pretend the world’s not spinning,
But the coffee's still too hot to hold.

Have you ever really listened to heavy metal?
Not the fake stuff,
But the kind that rips through your bones,
Makes your veins pulse with something
That feels like rage—
Or is it just the chaos in me,
The beat of a drum
That’s louder than my heart?
I get lost in it,
Like I get lost in my own head
Sometimes,
When I don’t know if I’m screaming
Or just thinking too loud.
Maybe the music’s the only thing
That makes sense anymore.

But then again,
I start thinking about how
All this stuff—coffee, music, sunshine—
It’s all a distraction, right?
Just a way to keep me from looking
At the cracks in my mind,
The ones that seem to grow
When I’m not paying attention.
It’s like I’m trying to outrun myself
With cups of caffeine and guitar riffs
And pretending I’m okay
When I’m anything but.

I keep saying I’ll stop—
Stop the overthinking, the spiraling,
The chaos I can’t shake.
But the truth is,
I don’t know how to stop falling.
Maybe it’s easier to keep crumbling,
To let the pieces scatter like broken glass,
To fall apart slowly enough
That no one notices until it’s too late.

And maybe that's all I’ll ever be—
A string of distractions,
A girl lost in her own mess,
Until the last bit of me
Finally falls away
And no one even knows
I was here at all.

Fill your lungs with air, they say
These black fireworks are getting closer
Crawl around, it's fun, they say
The slower I move, the deader the knot gets
You're dizzy, shadowed, they say
Apple after apple, only glowing poison

You'll see, you'll see
You'll want to someday
But all I want is out.

Let me rest
Let me rest
Or is there no hope
For those who are lost

Let me sleep
Let me sleep
Pray I don't fall
To my knees

Let me fall
Let me fall
Because I don't feel
Like I'm alive at all

Let me sink
Let me sink
Like the sun at dusk
As my heart has had enough