i apologize
for all the things i never said anything
for all the times i didn't speak up
for all the times i let you make me feel uncomfortable in my own skin
for all the times i let you make me feel guilty
for all the times i let you get away it
for all the times i let you win
for all the times i let you make me cry at 2am

i apologize for never telling you
that you were ruining everything about me
that you made me hate myself
and that this hate continues to run through my veins
for you
and for me
and everything that slipped through the cracks in between
as you broke me

I am too scared to write.
I have too much to say.
My mind is racing,
yet thoughts remain
internalized.

You can’t go back on what you said.

Once you’ve broken something,
It can’t be put back together the same way again.

Hellfire and Heaven
Doorways of freedom
Subways of speach
Sometimes Silence speaks
More sense, I am told
So speak then, Silence,
My ears are yours to teach

And so the shoe drops,
Easily, easily
It’s much easier for you to wound me,
than wear your human mask over lizard skin.
You gnash your teeth and flail your limbs,
like a stupid ******* lizard person.
How hard is it to check in when you’ve said something so worrying?
How hard is it to speak?
Or is it just that words don’t issue,
from betwixt your lizard beak?

I speak
in black and
white —

I think
in color.

Do I make sense?
I’m speaking but
Can you hear me?

It seems like I’m speaking silence
I suppose I am since, wait--
Do I make sense?

My words are easily misinterpreted
Even now, you’re listening but
Can you hear me?

Tangled tangents taken
From the context of my mind
Do I make sense?

I don’t. Of course the sound waves are reaching you
Still, I have to ask again to be sure
Can you hear me?

L’appel du vide is all I hear
I want to know you’re not the same
Do I make sense?
Can you hear me?

Sometimes you hear words
Spill, careless from peoples' mouths
Their impact, unknown

i am drowning in a sea of strangers
and stranger still, i cannot speak
but to say i will not blame her,
that justice is oblique