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Emily Tucker Oct 2020
Being sober *****
Being high *****
But there’s some moments, very minuscule moments that hit the sweet spot
The good news is that these sweet spots reside in sobriety
The bad news is also the good news
But really where is the ******* balance?
Is there even a balance?
Is there a reality for me where I can find happiness in sobriety?
Because frankly, I want the best of both worlds.
And yeah, maybe I might be naïve...

Maybe one day I might find sobriety.
the last two messages you sent
i never even read
i no longer check to see if you've messaged me
since i deleted that thread
i finally had to give up
and see that the relationshit was dead
you made up this false version of me
based off of resentment and thoughts you never said
just know that i'm sorry
i know all of this is still ******* with your head
i feel i did the right thing
i learn to go with my gut now and i've yet to be misled
some days are so easy
while others hurt deeply and i can't shake the dread
a couple times you roped me in
i guess your intentions involved the ego needing to be fed
you're the one who pays in the end
cause i can live with myself and an empty bed
08.15.2020 - 19:36
for: jms

i am still not over it and that's okay
Hannah Sep 2020
The cold breeze
hits me, everytime
like never before
The darkness,
haunts me
the same way
my thoughts made me
an insomniac
The fog,
opened my eyes
nevertheless, I was blind
I have to remind myself
nature amazes me
On the shore of that same beach
I remember;
childhood traumas
misery
that time I wanted to vanish
and never be found again
But this time,
I didn’t cry
I didn’t shiver
I didn’t lose hope
I stood there
and accepted the truth
I merged my feet
with the cold water
I looked at the sky
So vivid, so blue
I knew it wasn’t always
the mediocrity of the universe
It was many things, at once
And I kept it to myself.
Z Sep 2020
Alone I walk an unpredictable trail,
Mind racing analyzing all the ways I fail.
Feeling that the surrounding reality stands still,
As if everything surrounding me attacks at their will,
Alone with nature’s vitality, separated by the emotions we feel.
Perceptions of life’s purpose is to endure the suffering,
Pain brings the opportunity of a lesson,
Student of life, searching for knowledge insatiably.
Empathy, gratitude, a positive attitude,
Clear cut path to humbling, a fractured ego,
Comfort is an illusion, primary emotions a placebo.
Obstacles on the trail... rivers, fallen trees and stones,
No one here to utter words capable of breaking bones.
Language more powerful than the Manhattan project,
Weaponized communication formulated without logic.
Living through our actions, dangerous words become silent,
Respected for our effort, Results of an ego no longer defiant.
Shrouded in chaos no absolute truth,
Awareness resides with a present mind.
Accepting of spaces magnificent design,
New moments present an opportunity to own.
Anxiety provoked mind crippled in fear,
Trust the process then your path will be clear.
Darkness sheds a light in the end,
Growth is in the shadows, humanities path to ascend.
Feedback is always appreciated.
Violet Stage Jul 2020
That’s talent
Sniffing out drugs
Down two floors
Down deep in the recess
Of your drawer
Because it lay
Down deep in the recess
Of my mind
Down two floors
Stored for a slow
Calculated
Take down of your mind
Whilst it picks away
At my carefully
Orchestrated sobriety
Down deep
Layered over
With career
With kids
With paint
With healing sounds
Don’t come around here no more
But it do
But it do
Cause I’ve got a talent
for Sniffing out
The drudgery
For sniffing out
The dark side
Wars colliding in my mind
Cause the army I built is
Only as good as the fort I built in front of them.
And this nose. This nose..
I’ve got a talent.
Nat Lipstadt Jun 2020
read his stuff
https://hellopoetry.com/r-2/

n.b. nowadays I write here only in praise of others,
as the rewards are far greater than any of the meager
stuff I got  laying around.

a poem for his summer soul-stice
<>


self-confessed to the priest, we us, both, meeting
in the confess-******, wee needy for a solid projectile
purging, me, cause, I’m a plagiarist of inspiration

**** it every time a ce r tain poet writes,
its a sock to my multi faceted square sided~head,
discoloring my eye shadow, my maskara crazy running,
frustration, admiration, mortar and pestle pounded

into a white powder of unadulterated adultery with a
frothy topping of a jealousy muse laughing face, at me,
cappuccino made from bitter herbs and pink sea salt.

in eight lines the man accomplishes
what would take me eight, eight full
poems, even then, not coming close

still failing to retake his brevity skills,
his summer solstice way of seeing,
by keeping the dark away,
by inviting the dark in,
making it under duress,
spill the beans of his life’s
ironies, some hellish,
some not, all well kept,
in Georgia granite stoney face.

the softest steeling of words that irritates
me into a fine frenzy... what’s the use,
point made, in how he undresses
the eyes
into just outright gasping,

and that is the only
permissible comment emoji.


______

r

Her verse
I need to taste the salt
of her soliloquy
be drunk on the sobriety
of her verse
those words she writes
behind my eyelids
makes me want
to crawl inside her skin
and listen to her heartbeat.
https://hellopoetry.com/r-2/

*************

Postscript:
as a poet, knee’d & head bent, asking you Lord,
would it have soiled a vast eternal plan,
to throw some kosher salt, on mes écrits,

let a soliloquy make my case, my summer
soul-on-ice, hangover from the drunken sobriety
that stays, retained, the sense of loss remains
long after he has left my screen, and I’m

wondering if he gets him poems from that
old yellow dog, if true, no fair, but o.k., I’ll
take it right, any way, I can, **** it. and you.
Brooke P May 2020
I’m being told to practice honesty,
so honestly,
getting sober kind of really *****
most of the time.
I take my medication every morning,
I go to my meetings at night.
I fill in the spaces with adjectives and nouns and bad reality tv.
I make my phone calls
and attend my appointments
and talk truthfully with the counselors
who have the same credentials as me.

But I float along on my “pink cloud”,
happy to not be bleeding out of my nose
or begging my racing heart
to please, calm down.
I feel things,
maybe less intensely than before
but in a real sort of way,
that isn’t filtered through
whatever I decided to numb myself with.
It’s not exciting, it’s not glamorous,
but I guess I’d rather live this way
than trudge through hell every day
and die a disappointment.
Jul's May 2020
I wanna escape
To a place were there is love
Instead of everyone who don't believe in me
  There is a cape in my heart that needs to be filled
No matter what some one pulls me down
Right when I'm happy with myself
I have worked so ******* my sobriety
I just feel people in recovery understands me better
I am a better person now
I'm not in a fog nomore, an I'm not a push over nomore
I'm the one who's gonna win an the people
Who support me in it
Carter May 2020
I keep saying that I’m going to stop using.
I’ve told my therapist and my friends,
but I start to get overwhelmed
and feel the need to relapse.

I make it one,
maybe two days,
before I’m chasing the high,
and ruining my life.

The longest I’ve lasted
was 25 hellish days.
But even after confessing,
I came back to my vice
V May 2020
I never confessed I had a problem,
I swore I had control,
"Addiction is not in my cells",
Until sobriety scared me more,
Than these pink pills themselves.
Relapsed since February.
I was recently sexually assaulted and faced many damages to my body that I cannot cope with and see as my new reality.
I often was too consumed to realize that now, going sober, that despite the illogical rationality that those pills were the only things that did not hurt, abuse, leave, or scare me., they were doing just that.
"They made me happy, gave me a new better world, energy and made me not have to see, hear and wake up and feel what I carried everyday."

But I would rather be human, than pretending to be one anymore.
I am tired, and as I write this these voices are killing me,
but it beats these ******* being my only company.
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