Today I laid in bed a total of 7 more minutes than I should have
before rushing to get ready for work.
I let that sinking feeling pull me under.
Drowning in my own bed,
No thoughts actually running through my head,
Just a mind numbing realisation that I’ll have to get up at some point.  
But I just laid there.
No emotion on my face.
Eyes glued to the ceiling
Blinking every 4 seconds,
Before letting out a long sigh
as if my soul had been sent back to me.
Then i caried on with the day as normal.

he’s addicted to the high
from egotistical joy rides. he revels
in self pride, arrogance apparent in
his stride. but his confident exterior
is built from narcissistic lies. he can’t handle
hearing “no”- rejection leaves him mortified.    

this is not the first time
he's come to me ****-eyed.      
he asks for my consent, politely i deny.
he refuses to listen, preparing to defy.
my fear becomes palpable-
his desire
fortifies.

“no, no, no!” yet his hands
are on my thighs. “we have to tonight.”
his words cut like a knife.
i don’t understand why
i’m forced to comply. (this is my body,
don’t i get to decide?)

my bones calcify, my heart’s
a ship that’s capsized
i’ve been dehumanized and
yet i'm forced to act alive.

i look in the mirror
and let out a long sigh-
is it his soul or mine
that’s been demonized?

I was facing death
Straight in the face
A sigh broke free
Out of apathy
I lacked the words to say
So I simple shut my eyes
Waiting for my demise
But the reaper
He walked right by me
I spit to the floor
and called to the shade
"You *******, that's right, walk away"
His laugh was stark
But hardly chilling
And with his grim, dead, voice he spoke
"Just you wait, your day will come"

Don't know why I'm happy,
To see the forbidden sun,

Don't know why I'm worried,
To hear the dumbness of its words,

Don't know why I'm relieved,
To hear its soft cry,

Don't know why I'm alive,
even at little things,

Don't know why I'm happy,
that it's him.

And Don't know why,
Even a short time,
Meant so much,
A dream that meant so much,
But fades.

The aching body
demands to be held
But the anxious mind
Over-rides with
No chance
in hell !

What does it mean
when you feel absolutely nothing
as someone (my mother) tells you
they miss you?

Why don't you reciprocate?
Why don't you feel their love
through a phone screen?

sighing through the evening,
i can't help but feel that sigh.
i'm pausing for a moment,
but the moment passes by