What is this you speak?
The spread of thighs?
The show of teeth?
Yet and still I do seem meek
I wonder if it's somehow exculpatory
My fears
The sides of my story
The blood, the horror, and in fact the glory
But still I toss that for you
Happiness
I've yet to learn and share
The constant state of being aware
The words lingering in the air
I cannot enjoy only ensnare
This Janus - faced figure of my affections
It's true
What is the real motive and direction?
If only I didn't constantly have to question
But I was still crazy for you

i n h a l e s
e x h a l e s
she’ll remember you
always
the reason she’s sighing
deeply
and sleeping with
a heavy heart
right now

Today I laid in bed a total of 7 more minutes than I should have
before rushing to get ready for work.
I let that sinking feeling pull me under.
Drowning in my own bed,
No thoughts actually running through my head,
Just a mind numbing realisation that I’ll have to get up at some point.  
But I just laid there.
No emotion on my face.
Eyes glued to the ceiling
Blinking every 4 seconds,
Before letting out a long sigh
as if my soul had been sent back to me.
Then i caried on with the day as normal.

he’s addicted to the high
from egotistical joy rides. he revels
in self pride, arrogance apparent in
his stride. but his confident exterior
is built from narcissistic lies. he can’t handle
hearing “no”- rejection leaves him mortified.    

this is not the first time
he's come to me ****-eyed.      
he asks for my consent, politely i deny.
he refuses to listen, preparing to defy.
my fear becomes palpable-
his desire
fortifies.

“no, no, no!” yet his hands
are on my thighs. “we have to tonight.”
his words cut like a knife.
i don’t understand why
i’m forced to comply. (this is my body,
don’t i get to decide?)

my bones calcify, my heart’s
a ship that’s capsized
i’ve been dehumanized and
yet i'm forced to act alive.

i look in the mirror
and let out a long sigh-
is it his soul or mine
that’s been demonized?