Nights like these
I even tried to take a shower
The water seems to calm me when it comes down in it’s torrents
like the rain
yet that hasn’t worked out the monster that my body tired
my stomach knotted
and my mind racing in unease
Nights like these

9:30 pm
You texted me you loved me,
That you’d never leave me,
And I answered back
With the same.

10:30 pm
I sent a you a cute picture,
Of two cats cuddling,
And I said it was us.
No answer.

11:30 pm
I sent you an inside joke,
Hoping you would look at your phone
And laugh and smile your amazing smile.
No answer.

12:30 am
I found myself in the shower,
Fighting an anxiety attack,
Maybe I’m stupid to worry, but there was
No answer.

1:30 am
I told you I was going to bed,
That I was going to try to sleep.
Even to my good night text, there was
No answer.

4:30 am
I’m still awake, I can’t sleep,
Wondering where you are, if something’s wrong.
I know I shouldn’t worry, but there was
No answer.

9:30 am
No good morning text from you,
So I send you one instead,
Hoping you will respond and there won’t be
No answer.

11:30 am
Still no answer, my frazzled mind thinking
You’re in the hospital somewhere,
And that I heard your last words a long time ago, because
There was no text.

Your goodness is a rain shower,
the kind that happens on a sunny day
and makes people wonder-
Where on earth did it come from?
It descends from a bright blue sky,
nourishing the ground,
and cooling my hot, dry skin,
without casting a single shadow.
Crystal drops scatter light until the ground is greener
and the beauty in everything
goes from a whisper to a birdsong.
Where does your goodness come from?
Your nimble hands
as they run through your hair
or tap them pensively on your thighs?
Your lips,
parted in thought,
always prepared to question?
Your goodness is such that I've begun searching for it
in dark alleys
and scowling faces,
because your kind of goodness
comes as mysteriously
as rain from a cloudless sky.

I can feel your presence looming over me.
I look over my right shoulder, gazing at your deltoid muscle.

You embrace me with those strong arms
And shock me with your cold, drenched skin.
I trace these long scars on your left forearm.
And face you.
Deep dimples trap your mischievous smile.

A droplet of water drips from the ends of your hair onto my forehead.
You grab onto my waist and press me against you.
I am on my toes.

You now have my attention.

Sometimes I get in the shower
just to wash my hair
because maybe if I scrub hard enough
I can reach my brain
and clean it of all the thoughts
of you

Sitting in the shower,
Downing liquid poison,
Ears awake to the ethereal sounds of emotions,
Letting the water hit my naked body,
Trying to forget past memories,
Scrolling through the relatable,
Feeling everything , yet nothing at all,
Wishing it would end for an old soul,
Just to retry again

In the shower
I keep peeking out
making sure
no one is there

I’ve never seen ******
but somehow the shower scene
Is stuck in my head
but... mine stars Pennywise

The movie isn’t real
I know that
I’m a grown up
but in the dark...
i don’t feel like it

ive stopped sleeping.
the dark hall outside of my room
always seems to hold
a pair of glowing eyes