Dying for me was the most selfish
Thing you could have done. It's hellish
Living with the pain of knowing
You’re gone to stop my heart from slowing.
Your friends and family know it too,
Their pain is all my fault, I rue.
Simply because you couldn't bear
The thought of living without my flare.

Then he went back thinking there was
still something he could go back to.
But she shut her doors to him.
She was not being selfish.
She just wanted to save herself
from another pain.
She wanted to save her heart
from another sorrow.
And that was the moment
she felt free.

Though one may have noble intentions
One will always have a darker side.

Greed and longing
Are the most common forms of masochism.
And when one has what they want,
One will lose everything else.

The Midas Touch
Gave a man the ability
To satisfy his soul
And to destroy his life.

I'm guessing you think that I'll always come back
so you dish out the insults and launch the attacks
without stopping to think "Should I treat him like that?"
then you question the reason I finally snapped?

"If you'd just told me calmly"... you say, with a tone
that suggests that the fault was all mine, not your own.
As if you don't recall that you left me alone
and then told me I'd hurt you, and switched off your phone.

I'm guessing you think that I'll always be there
when you feel like you're drowning and gasping for air,
so when I reach out to you and tell you I'm scared
you just make me feel guilty and show you don't care.

"I can never give you what you want!" you reply.
But that's not why I said it, and so I ask why
you're reminding me of it, with tears in my eyes.
You've no time to explain 'cause you're out with that guy.

I'm guessing you think that I'll always return,
so you don't even bother with trying to learn.
You just tell me you care when it suits you, then spurn
me, then take a step back as you watch it all burn,

and you all stand in line, and you laugh as I call
out for anyone who's left, anyone at all
who can show me I'm wrong, who won't make me feel small.
Yes, you'll all stand in line and you'll laugh as I fall.

A whole lifetime I've spent being told that you care.
A whole lifetime I've spent making good things to share.
Then the one time I reach out, there's nothing but air.
No arms held out to catch me, none of you are there.

You're off with the ones to whom you give control
over all that you do, over your heart and soul.
You told me I'm the one who made you feel whole.
But you've taken with you all the things that you stole.

You've taken my trust and you've torn it to shreds.
You've stolen the good memories from my head
and left me with nothing. So let it be said,
that you can't take my life, for I'm already dead.

That person you all took for granted is gone
now forever. So goodbye, farewell, and so long.
But the shell still remains as his body lives on,
ever-drifting downstream like the widowed old swan.

Separated from faith and from hope once again.
Hatred and disappointment are all that remain,
so you'll all stand in line and you'll watch with disdain;
blaming me, and not you, for you're all just the same!

Now I look in the mirror and all I can see
is the face of a stranger looking back at me.
Just as I see in you, and now I can forsee
that he'll stand in line with you as you all decree

that I always deserved to be left far behind,
and you'll hail this a victory in your own minds.
Celebrating the day that you managed to find
the 'strength' to walk away. But I wonder, in time,

if you'll ever look back and see that you were wrong.
If you'll see it was me who was right all along.
But no matter, my voice is drowned out by the gong
because time's up already, and I'll be long gone.

I'm guessing you think that I say this in spite.
Go ahead, think what you will, believe what you like,
but the truth is while you're sleeping soundly at night
I'm still lost in the darkness, as you were the light,

and you vanished as fast as you came, and so cast
me into the world of shadows, into the past.
But the consequences of your actions will last
for eternity and this pain won't be surpassed.

So go, stand in line with the rest. Follow suit.
They will welcome you, history's newest recruit,
and you'll feast on a banquet of poisonous fruit
borne from the branches of what you impute.

The tree, of a seed planted long, long ago.
Firmly rooted, as old as time. Ever it grows.
It shall never be felled, I am sure. This I know.
So please do me a favour and let's both forego

all the lies, and the promises which won't be kept.
Let's not add to the tears I have already wept.
Don't pretend to me that you've not already stepped
past the point of no return, this I will accept.

So you'll all march in line and you won't hear my call
as there's nothing to say to you, so I withdraw.
Now my memory fades and soon you won't recall
that I ever existed.

I'm nothing at all!

I mourned you like you had died,
Because to me, it felt like you had.
And when I saw you still breathing,
It felt like a stab to the chest.

Nice and slow, with a twist.

I don't know if you ever think of me.
I think of you constantly.
But as each day goes by,
And the distance between our time together and now get longer,
The pain fades.
Very slowly.

This doesn't mean it's gone.
Oh no, it is very much still there.

But I'm pushing it down.
I'm growing a scab on top of this ever-flowing wound,
Because I need to survive.
Not because I want it.
Some days, I feel like I would willingly die for the pain that is you.
But I can't, because that would be too selfish.
People need me, and I cannot ignore their needs for mine.

Today I felt good.
And then I immediately felt guilty,
Because I know you don't.

But it's not my fault you feel bad.
It's not my fault that you broke up with me.
It is yours.
And I know that that's awful to say,
But you are dragging me down with you.
And that's not fair.

It's not even okay.


It's torture.


I miss you so **** much.
Did you know that I have a panic attack at least every second day?

Because of you.

In order for you to get better,
You've made me so, so much worse.
I'm collapsing without you.
You were my foundation.

And I know that's not fair of me to put on you,
But why did you let me?
Why did you let me build myself on a foundation that was too broken to support itself,
Let alone another human being.

You knew you were broken.
You knew I was too.

I didn't know you were.
And I warned you about how I was.
How I am.

How that if you wanted to get close to me,
You had to be careful.
That you shouldn't let me give you my heart if you were just going to break it.
But you did,
With ease.

You are selfish.
But so am I.

I love you.
*******.

You are like ivy creeping and embedding yourself in spirals around my limbs

Poison slowly creeping into my very flesh, my very being

What is it about you that makes my lungs heave with distaste

You are a wolf in sheepskin

Your soul a grotesque knarly fungus, toxins settling around you like a shield
But your exterior a brilliantly bright red

You invite others in, only to realise your glowing, vibrant colours have been forged from using and discarding others
******* those around you dry
Forcing yourself into every little crevice

I hate growing next to you, stealing all my light, all my nutrients, all my life

And I bet when you no longer require my prescence you will give absolutely no second thought to tearing me limb from torso to feed that rabid wolf inside you

I bet it's lonely on that 'moral' high ground you keep telling me about, looking down at the rest of my humble flock

I bet one day you will realise you are actually growing on top of an ants hill, not a mighty moral mountain

Enjoy your own company, since you're clearly too good for anyone else's
Since you would rather poison everything around you

Everyone hates poison ivy

KG

and i put my phone in aeroplane mode
so i dont hear it when you dont call.
is that selfishness
or self protection.