Sometimes
this is only a human word
meaningless in reality
I am always now
not in the now
cuz now just is

The words come
the thoughts come too
feelings
emotions
they come
then go

Free?
Free is creating
the universe of which you exist
there is only living
and the mind

There are different ways
various practices
everything goes to the same end
the beginning

a person - family
community - nation
and world missteps and seems
to be forever off-track
even being here
one becomes lost
the appearance of being lost
the sense one is lost and blind
yet still one is here

There is a hard way
and an easy way
a long way
and a short way
complicated and simple
there isn’t time
only now is real
so only now one must see
this is the easy short and simple way
to reach the beginning at the end

Thinking for myself was one of the first things I did.
I had original thoughts.
It was like *******.
Done alone, in silence. Easy and reliable.
If help was necessary,
There was a pictorial in National Geographic;
Last years Christmas Catalogue,
Or Supergirl,
Flying skyward with one knee cocked.
To think was to develop, to grow into maturity.
Best results were achieved by turning off.
That's hard to do, but doable.
Unplug your podcast ears;
Turn down the Foxbits;
Start your own Blog.
We can think for ourselves
To avoid Jihads, insurrections and revolutions,
Unless,
We think them necessary to clear our heads.

If I had it my way, I would leave myself behind.

Hindi sa ayokong maging masaya
Hindi sa ayokong makaahon sa lusak
na iba ang nagdala
Guni guni, pilit pinaniniwala ang sarili
yan ang akala nila.

May mabuti kang pamilya,
ilang daang tropa
magandang suporta

Sabi ng lipunan,
madali lang sumaya,
gumalaw ka, sumayaw ka,
sumulat ka ng kanta.

Hindi nila wari lahat yan ay akin ng ginawa

Depresyon ay hindi kathang isip.
Minsan parang langgam kukurot sa iyong isipan,
madalas sya ay halimaw, lalamunin ka sa madilim **** mga araw.

paano paano yan ang tanong nila.
mukha ka namang masaya, halakhak ang dala sa tuwing kasama ka nila.

ngunit di nila alam,
sa likod ng mga biro,
ay lungkot ang pinagmulan
sa likod ng mga tawa,
ay mga sigaw "ang sakit sakit na!"
sa likod ng mga talon at palakpak  
ay mga iyak na di maikubli ng aking kasaralinlan
kung pwede lang
kung maari lang
araw araw hiling ko lang ay
makaahon sa kalungkutan

kung tatanungin ako ulit,
wala kong kasagutan.
Hindi sa ayoko ng kasagutan,
hindi sa ayoko lunasan.

Hindi ko lang talaga maahon ang sarili sa bangungot na patuloy sumisira ng aking laban.
Wag nio ko husgahan,
sinubukan ko,
binigay ko ang kaya ko
pero kapag nakikita ko na ang panalo
bigla na lang ulit  itong lalayo

ngaunit hanggang andito ako,
hanggat nakikipaglaban ako alam ko
sa sarili ko may pag asa pa ako.
at ikaw rin!
alam kong malalim ang pinanggalingan
alam kong ilang beses mo ding sinubukan
alam kong palagay mo kamatayan na lang ang huling alas mo
MALI
Hindi ito ang magpapatumba sayo.
Hindi ang halimaw na ito ang tatapos ng laban mo.
Sa bawat pagdapa, sa bawat gasgas
sa bawat pagsubok ng isa pa
lahat yun napagtagumpayan mo na.
kung hanggang kelan hindi ko alam
ang mahalaga sa bawat araw na binibgyan ka ng pag asa
andun ka buhay ka lumalaban ka.
Walang tiyak ang bukas
pero wag lang mag alala
HINDI KA NAG IISA

Oh how you speak to me through the music of others,
I then practice this pattern and continue
to preach,
how I am feeling in this way, and on this day,
when I'm at a loss for words or thought
and cannot figure out what to say,
you beseech me to begin healing,
I begin peeling, no
pulling back the surface of my soul,
hoping it will be the start of getting rid of this toll,
as painful as it is to look inside your own mind,
your broken and beaten down spirit,
desperately just trying to find guidance in
hopes that maybe one day you'll be loved
and seen as more than just,
Just another body walking amongst the
rest of mankind,
because you allow yourself to feel that
you are different,
Yet your mind continues to stay ignorant
and blind,
to your already keen eye,
for you are special, it's only a matter of
time before you realize
you're the one you've been wanting to feel
loved by,
Something that can only be seen beyond the surface of
others eyes,
And past these creatures terribly,
beautiful minds.

Oh would that I were less self aware
I'd hear their words
not feel their stare

A patient heart never tires,
as it sees all is yet possible,
dare believes all eternally imminent,
as it skillfully contorts the truth,
happily feeding the delusion
until the heart finally beats irregularly,
straining from ages of neglect,
famished from the absence of reciprocity,
the denial unearthed,
rendering the muscle damaged,
no longer capable of the largesse
which had long infused hope,
the brittle harmony broken, leaving
only the memory of what might have been.