I did not fall in love with you—

I walked,

Eyes wide open,

Mesmerized by every step,

Drawn into mirrored reflections,

A path unfolding like light.

Moving forward,

Sure-footed and steady,

Choosing each step

Along the way.

I love me
Then I  love  me not
One second I am thriving,
The next, stirring the ***

A topic that's somewhat sensitive
Is that I'll never know peace
No! **** that!
Don't be, just a subject
Of your conditioning

I'm here
To treat you
With decency
And teach you

How to see
right through the
*******..

"Well, wait, now what if
I can't now, not soon, not ever
See through it"?

"Now that's where this
Thing called trust comes in"

"Well here's the problem
With that is,
I don't"

I swear I-I never wanted to trap a butterfly

It's all my fault
shards of ceramic scattered in disarray
It's so surreal
scattered soil, cautious footsteps
an unsettling sight, distorted situation
The roots' exposed

I have no right to cry
After all
I broke your heart
didn't I?

I tried to get past the past, but
all I know is loss
all I do is grieve
All I hear is ambient noise
Ringing through my head
all I know is violence
all I do is parkour

And avoid the feeling

Checked out
found the exit
and chose
To grieve you today
Cause I can't bare the thought of losing you sometime down the road
When you hate me
And regret me
and we'll be screaming about all your wasted time

I can't be what you want me to be
And I know I'm not what you need
I don't know the person in your head
But I know it's a concept I can't complete
And you can't handle the person I am

I swear I never, I never wanted to trap a butterfly

Please, believe me
I swear it wasn't my intention
I didn't mean anything by it
I only wanted to escape
For a moment
See all the colors before I go blind
No worries, no responsibilities
Fill my lungs at the top of the world

Running through
crowded places
And you grab my hand
before
I
get
hit
by
speeding
cars

I don't understand
how did you get me laughing

It must've been the caffeine
For a moment
the geranium almost thrived

Now I'm too old to be
Drinking alone at noon
Pretty pink drinks
As pretty as Dianthus in spring  
Is that what you meant
When you were explaining your feelings?

Well, the bartender is adorable
But I can't bare to look at brown eyes full of pity
Like they can see right through me

I swear I-I never, I never wanted to trap a butterfly

So I leave
And
Speeding
cars
are
honking
loud and angry
almost hit me
Hilarious
If only
then I could
finally escape
and I can
finally feel...
Nevermind
It doesn't matter

Poison slips into the cracks and crevices
Under the skin
Down the throat
Into the lungs
Behind the ribs
Irreversible structural damage
nectar of dissolution
Dissolve the heart

You know who you are

I swear I never wanted to **** a butterfly

Venus flytrap

It takes so much self-awareness, inner strength, and confidence
to recognize, accept, and embrace your insecurities.

And when you finally do,
fear and self-hate have nothing on you;
it paves the path toward self-love
and personal growth without the fear of others judging.

I'm neither the mirror nor the reflection
I'm neither the presence nor the absence  
I'm neither the fool nor the sage
I'm neither the seeker nor the finder
and
I'm neither the sky nor the cage

I am someone I haven't been
since
I am somewhere in between and something unseen
But if I do know a thing
is that
I am sewing what I am with the not's that I keep clean

Lawrence Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com

                                             Decaying Orbits

Wild vultures swirl in distant elegance
Circling gracefully in the high, cold blue
Wings beating the downdrafts into place and space
Then orbiting down, a narrowing decay

And landing lumpishly upon the dead
Their distant grace was but foul deceit
Up close they know only ***** and filth
Their orbits have decayed into decay

Perhaps at a distance we seem beautiful
But would we want to know ourselves up close?