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Hey you there

It's not just me in here
Oh how I wish you could hear the coconspirator
Or see in a single tear how loud the fear of fear truly can be
And how I'm so rarely allowed to steer

I AM a dark passenger, MY dark passenger
A near prison like constricting atmosphere with no breathing apparatus gear
Life can be so impossibly cavalier
Death is always closer than it should ever appear, regardless of the mirror

In my story I have the glory of a lone fourth musketeer
With a crowded asylum between each ear
So many questions but not a single agreed upon answer will appear
And I've yet to meet this so called infallible puppeteer

Though the hierarchy is clear, it passes through an auctioneer
"Punish me if thy finds I should ever veer from thy holy 'engineer'"
Hell, they can stay put like a headlight frozen deer
I'd rather be allowed to disappear

I did not ask to be here

©2025
Dianali 1d
I’m stuck in my bedroom.
There’s a whole in the wall.
That’s figurative speech,
Of course.
The wall is my heart.
I’m watching another show.
It’s about the life of some girls on tv.
I’m trying so desperately to relate.
After some episodes, I finally succeed.
Somehow I make this about me too.
Now I’m imagining how my own life
Would play out for the masses.
Would I be a fan favourite?
Would he be the villain?
Would I be?

I stop.
I REALIZE—
I’m not that interesting.

Just perfectly,
randomly,
average me.
The rays of the sun reflect on my eyes, from early this morning.
Thus I am still weary, Ye I shall scorn.
I try to chase the wind; my mind is too unique.
My heart filled with rage, O my why today.

2. Now it is noon, thus the scorching heat.
The boredom is depressing, for all I do is sit.
Perhaps I am contemptible, for my laziness.
My selfishness is outrageous; I am without context.

3. The sun is down, my energy is depleted, my willingness is diminished.
I am full of pain, relieve me of my misery.
Thou cannot save me, I am derisive.
Who will come to my aid, for I am dismissive.
Meliah 3d
I am a Coliseum—
Broken, but still standing,
A relic of past glory,
Hinting at a time when I stood tall, whole, and victorious.
When the battles fought within me were always won by the hero.

But slowly, the battles grew harder.
The hero began to falter,
Until she lost everyone.
Until her determination shattered like glass,
Almost as sharp as the razor blade against my walls.
Until crimson blood leaked from her chest,
Staining my jeans as it spilled from our bodies in unison.

She died, and I was left in a gray, hollow way of living.
Trying to make sacrifices of my own flesh
To revive the fearless woman she once was.
But I failed—again and again—
Fighting my own battles,
Facing my own shadowed lions,
Until I, too, was dead.

I've decided to stay that way.
Tablets for writing may record it,
And tablets for pain may propel it.
I drink some water to make it easier to swallow
I wrote this 8 years ago (I did edit it). I wrote it in highschool when I was depressed and suicidal. OBVIOUSLY I am much better now. If you feel like this- it's not everlasting.
For Humans

What is most perilous
& chaotic?
Is it the ghosts? The viruses?
?                 ?
  ?             ?
    ?         ?
      ?     ?
         ?
No
It is the self.

~~
The Self.
The Brain.
A hidden sage
a wrecking ball
a firestorm in silence.
~
No alien force
could match
the tiny brain
the mighty peril of the human.
Eight years passed, and just like that
I came back and saw all the written hearts in this app.
Devices I used to lessen confuse.
Now that I'm back, I saw where I was at.

I can't believe I can no longer relate
to all the notes I once wrote with hate.

I knew in the past that "this too shall pass"
But how wonderful it is to experience at last.

I've waited for this...
𝙊𝙣𝙚 𝙙𝙖𝙮 𝙄 𝙨𝙖𝙞𝙙, 𝙄'𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙦𝙪𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙨
𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙥𝙚𝙙 𝙢𝙚 𝙤𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙥𝙚𝙙.
030130202504038PM
I can't believe that just like that, everything's behind me. How amazing it is to experience a life that moves forward, everything that you once hoped. The healing you thought will never come, now all you remember was the feeling but bearable to live with. I'm grateful to every season God gives!
This morning I woke up
Stomach in a knot
My eyes adjust to the light in the room
I raise my hands to my face
I noticed my wrists as I do

I feel angry at myself

“I am fine, I don’t need any help
There are worse than I come on it’s been ages since I last cried”

I feel embarrassed, ashamed and full of regret
I hide the pain sketched onto my wrists
I try to forget that it exists

I tell no one about what I have done
I don’t need the help
The battle has been won
drive through me leave me bare, abandon me poor

thrive not, heart don't be full
more dis-ease please, get me more out of my essence, moo
me out of my God Given Throne fool,
i belong in the zoo.
show me how bad you can beat me past what I threw
five pieces of glass, my crew
i broke my own heart because i can't stand myself, whew!

i'm now reflecting how best i like my heart, i drool
five pieces of my heart needing some glue.

hive oozing honey stained with poo
i don't know how to nurture my worth so i demand that from you
an impossible feat, i like you prefer a toxic hue.

live deep down, i want more ease and juiciness... but ooh,
that's too much work, i want it on a silver platter, boo!
jive to my disdain you fool,
remind me of my inadequacies like it's in, new
tell me everything wrong with me like i always knew
may my most authentic self never see the view,
die, noone wants to know you, eew!
ouch!
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