Take my hand
discover its warmth
look past the human debris
and find me
avalanches and storms
of centuries
could not bury me
for the studio light
shines too bright.

POWER in the blood
Is no STRENGTH of mine
’Tis so sweet to TRUST in Jesus!”
I shout in  jest
            Aging way before my time

“It ain’t well at all!”  I rage
In berefted soul
I writhe and waste and pine AWAY
YET you refuse to make me WHOLE

You deny me fadeless hope
You forego my cry for PERFECT LOVE
You chastise my ask for LIGHT
You DISAVOW me PEACE AT ALL

You hide your HEALING HAND
You disrobe so I can’t TOUCH
I’ll never RISE AGAIN
When gifted DEATH & CROSS

Be thou my VISION
For I no longer SEE
This AMAZING GRACE I’ve once heard of
Isn’t really FREE

In this garden of silent PRAYER
I determine not to speak
Cause nothin’ but
THE BLOOD OF CHRIST


Means nothing to a Death Eater’s
Unremitting
Unrepentant
Unforgiving
Dance with Midnight’s GRIEF

Down a path where arteries will meet the scythe.
Deceased silhouettes suffocating in defeat.

A spark struggles to illuminate the way before the feet.
cloaked in disbelief, conversing with grief.

Climbing an empty ladder,
dreams clustered beyond reach.
With worn bones aiming to reach beyond the known peak.

Which road should I take?
that lead me to the place
where I can fulfill my Destiny,
where i can find, What's inside me?

What is the work, I should do?
For which I born to
What will please the hunger inside me?
What is my success key?
What's inside me?

Countless stars glitter in sky
in this darkest night.
But which of them will be the Sun?
that made me Enlight.

I want to know!
Stand out of row
To find the true me
And find, what's inside me?

Where have I come from?
Where am I headed?
What am I doing here?
Does it feed my soul’s desire?
Who am I?
Am I who I want to be?
Am I who I’m destined to be?

Into the woods
Seeking solace and R&R,
Away from civilisation,
And the dreaded mobile phone.
Off grid, switched off and outnumbered by trees,
Explore who I am, what I’m doing, where I’m heading.
At 50
Time to take stock,
Reappraise and reapply,
And fulfil my soul’s path.

How do you do that?
When you don’t know what it is
When you don’t know who you are
When you’ve never truly been you.
Always wanting desperately to fit in,
but never seeming able.
Afraid of being judged,
yet judging too.
Never taking action
for consequential fear.
Drifting through life,
Disassociated,
Disconnected,
Discombobulated,
No surprise.
Disengaged,
Discontented,
Disenchanted.

5 nights in the woods
Just me and my tent.
Walking all day,
Staring in the fire all night.
Sitting in peace and quiet amongst coppice, hornbeam and oak
Seeking answers
With none forthcoming.
Other than taking time out.
And dreaming of
Living the #vanlife
Going where the mood takes me.
No rush, no worries, no cares,
Just me and my camper van
Freedom and
Flexibility.

Travelling on the road,
Meeting kindness of strangers,
Comfy dress down
No airs and graces,
Deep conversations,
Connection,
Move on.
Being the nomadic free spirit,
that’s me.

But is it an escape?
A way to stay disconnected?
A way to not face up to feelings
Of anger and shame?
Or will it be the making of me?
The discovery of me?
The adventurer in me?

I love you
from behind the window
behind the curtain
of your orbit
I love you madly
without your notice
the way the moon loves
with all her scars

Close the blinds,
silence the laughter
no spoken word and no life sign
shall disturb my hopeless slumber.

For I am alive but I do not live
hidden from the present
lurking in forbidden gardens
where pain and doubts carry me.

I was once,
maybe I tried to be
now I am no more, will I be again?
Are the hidden ones truly free?
Are the silenced ones truly forgotten?

Close the blinds,
silence the laughter
echoes of silence reign here,
now and forever.

I raised my voice today
You only tuned me out again
The pregnancy wasn't planned
But it was a chance to begin

You reached out to me
then knocked me to the floor
feeling betrayal
at how my body
so willingly accepted the gift of yours

You were scared
And so was I
the choice was ours
and it became our guilt
as the life inside me went away

Finally----
as day led on to coupled day
the only surprise left
was departed touch
as did our love
until nothing stayed.

The prime seat in its own colour decked with gems,
The scepter at the right and the scroll at the left,
The carpet in the front and the beauties at the back,
The whole of the seat, surrounded by minions,
Under the roof of luxury and manipulation:
Airplanes across nations; military fascination;
Self-styled profile; Cakewalk attires;
No cost hospitals; sheathed in ‘Black Cats’;
Floating in dream cars; pocketful currency;
Illegality against law; Cosmetic actors;
Pen in the right hand, eraser in the left hand;
Lying against truth; falsifying reality;
Kicking the ignorant citizens with empty schemes;
Fanaticism against patriotism;
Skilled in Disguise Show; Crafty-minded in bargaining;
Sellers and vendors of nations’ legitimacy;
Eating the simple pie of the poor, hugging the corporates;
Terrorizing the supporters of nations;
Dwindling the economy of nations;
Building weapons and Bio tools;
Tarnishing the reality with paradoxical episodes;
Bullet trains through the veins of the ignorant citizens;
Building aristocratic bonds among infamous showcases;
Sidelining the needs of the needy; amassing wealth for families;
Of all deeds of negativity, there is one left,
And that is self-justification of all deeds,
For the seat of Power in its own colour decked with gems,
The scepter at the right and the scroll at the left,
The carpet in the front and the beauties at the back,
The whole of the seat, surrounded by minions,
Under the roof of luxury and manipulation.
So I sought and seek Power.