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Natalia May 15
Will you come meet me
At the horizon?
Past the willow trees,

Through the meadows,
Where their bodies
Rot and decompose.

The crows come to feast
On unspoken promises
And love that has ceased.

Now look ahead
Across the frozen lake,
Where few dare to tread,

Lest their disguise
Shatter and sink
Before sunken eyes

Beyond the wasteland
Of woes and lovers
You'll come to stand.

Where beats cry in the night
Woeful of those before
Now passing as mere wights.

Gazing at the cosmos,
I lie still
Having kept my soul close.

Will you come meet me
At the horizon
Past the willow trees?
Natalia Jan 28
They say that eyes,
Are the windows to the soul.
I'll not be chained
By this everlasting cliche.
But Honey, I get lost
Every time. Gazing into yours.
Swept away in their
Mystery, darkness, wonder.
I see clearly your walls,
A house on a hill.
Every brick laid down
With care, thoughtfulness.
Made to keep out
More harm, hurt, loss.
It is worn, sturdy,
Unyielding against the world.
Yet every now and then
I catch a glimpse
Of Lightness
Where others see dark.
And it tells me
More than words
Ever could.
And in this space
I am lost.
In this space
I see you.
Natalia Dec 2020
What I thought would be easy
Turned out to be a trial.
I lay curled up feeling queasy.

Frustration, anger. A strong stance.
Is it denial in their faces?
Am I to give another chance?

But as I gaze into your eyes
Those soft, warm orbs bring light,
A fresh breath. I realise.

I shall conform no more
That young girl is gone,
This will not be like before.

Dead is the binary
The girl in the mirror, gone.
Now I see myself. Finally.

Societal chains bear me down
Some days I give in.
Allow myself to drown

In your norms
Your dead ways.
This strange form

Will never fit in,
I quickly realise
No matter the colour of skin.

Yet I gaze in the mirror,
I see myself, finally.
The world looks clearer.
Pt 2 of  Your Binary
Natalia Dec 2020
******* and your binary
It's always been there
But never fit me.

I was made to confirm
Yet it was never taught.

Through bruises, cuts and tears
Layers upon layers of guilt.
Endless starry nights.

In candlelight and incense,
Discovery was made.
It was built this way.

Tears streaming down our eyes,
You still question our surprise.
******* and your binary

To be queer is to be beautiful.
You may choose to look away.
They, he, she, ve. Me.

******* and your binary.
There was no rhythm to this as I was writing it, but it is so satisfying to read aloud. Pt 1 of 2.
Natalia Nov 2020
Was this a lesson?
Meant to teach and hurt.
Well honey I'm confessin'
As I bleed out in the dirt.

Cigarette ashes and daydreams
Is where I've spent my time.
Between growth and extremes
It hits 2am, I hear the chime.

'Awake from this haze,
It's different now
You're having better days.
It's different now.'

Yet I lay on a dirt road
High on petrol fumes
On some kind of turbo mode
As the storm looms.

Blasted by soundwaves.
Sand and grit in my eyes
I glance at shallow graves
Had anyone heard their cries?

What's their story?
Is it like mine?
As complex and stormy?

I speed on past.
An unnatural high
That I seem to outlast.
A relieving sigh,

The cigarette's finished,
The high is still here,
I am no less diminished
In case that wasn't clear.
Natalia Oct 2020
You tread a fine line
Afraid to look down.
Instead, pretend to be fine.

Avoid the doubts and fears.
No matter the cost,
The floods of tears.

They come biting back.
The insecurity,
A welcoming snack.

Latched on for dear life.
You find solace
At the edge of a knife.

Comforted and bewildered.
Malignant, yet benign.
You are bruised and blistered.

Here is where growth lies.
Natalia Oct 2020
Where might confusion lie
About oneself?

The deep recesses of the mind.
Beneath masks and scars,
Is where you'll find me.
Amidst books and ink.
Within, without, all around.
Through meadows and trees,
The grass whispers and sings.
Deep secrets of the Earth.
You need to be right.
You need to be wrong.
Not rushed, nor cheated.
A steady hand. Pen to paper.
Trembling, in waves. In. Out.
Stay the course Dear one.
Seek not the out edge,
Within is where it lies.
Not among the birds.
Neither your friends nor family.
But deep in you
Is where it lies.
The only person that can give you freedom is you. I looked in other places, to other people. But I'm the ONLY one that can ever give myself the freedom I long for.
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