I'm not good with hello's or goodbyes
because when you are someone as invisible
as a whisper on the wind
as the atoms in our skin
or a melody trapped within
there's no one waiting to greet you
and no one there to leave you

I'm just a cellophane wrapped scream
waiting to be heard,
waiting to be seen

cacophonous crying

screaming sabotage

all of this noise
not being heard

or not being said

What if I don't want
to get better? This hunger is the only thing
I feel anymore. You abandoned me,
so I sit on the bathroom
floor. I drown out my tears
with lyrics to songs we used
to scream out the car
window. While others congratulate
the damage this hunger has caused,
I obsess over the numbers that
light up whenever I step on
the scale. This is the only thing
I can control anymore. Since
you left.

Bones ache exhaustion

Things pile up and I crack

Splinter knowing

There is no one there to catch me

I feel myself slipping

Piece by piece

And I would scream

I am drowning

If I thought someone was listening

I tell myself that I'm leaving,
to go alone and scream into the night air.

I arrive and try, the air in my throat is tight.
Sounds of anguish and frustration unable to holler out,

I tell myself that nothings changing,
so I grab a lighter that I've been hiding, and hold the tumour between my lips.

Slobbering tears as I lite my stress, this is as close to death as I can feel.

The venom dripping from my mouth,
my foot pressing harder against the pedal down this country strip.
A referendum in my mind embellished with motivation,
so I tilt the wheel and leave it to momentum.

.