Everyday
is another struggle
Everyday
is when I wish it'd end

Then I think
of my best friend
He keeps me from
ending them once and for all

Everyday
is another of loathing
Everyday
is another of despair

He not only saved my life
He made it worth living
My best friend
I truly believe loves me

I stand to the side, watching. I scream and nothing comes out. My throat burns, my chest heaves. I gasp and cry, needing someone to hear. I try to run, try to somehow stop the invisible force from wrecking every last piece of me. Then I realize my arms are constricted, strapped forcibly to my body.

I am silent and I am in a straightjacket.

All I need to be is screaming and saving myself.

Because everything I’ve ever known tells me that you won’t come and save me.

But then again, didn’t I say everything I ever knew was being destroyed?

it's not easy being the superhero
in fact
it's hell
because while you're out there
saving the whole ******* world
who is going to save you?
nobody
those selfish ******* need you
but you need them more
and they'll never know
that
sometimes the superhero
needs saving too

I never cared for
Broken things
They seemed so pointless
Useless
Unlovable
I never saw any worth
Because what good is a guitar
Without any strings?

I never saw any worth in myself
Because I hated broken things
I believed the idea of no hope
That I couldn't change anything
But your hand in my life
Has helped me to see
That maybe, sometimes
It's worth fixing.

{NR}

I wish i still loved you. but you see i don't and i'm pretending like every things fine but what you don't understand is i can't sleep. I can't focus on anything but why i'm still here. here with you, or here at all. they say you can't love someone else if you don't love yourself, and i can't stop replaying that saying in my head because when we first met i hated every part of me and you put me back together. i started to love myself but here i am 18 months later and i'm back to 3am regrets of what drugs i haven't done. i'm beginning to hate myself all over again and i don't like this time i can be saved because i resent you for giving me light when all i really wanted was the back seats of unfamiliar cars. I guess some people fall in love with whats on the inside but i think that's a load of horse **** because every guy i've met has only fell in lust with what's under the clothes. I never got to thank my best friend for saving my life four years ago. I don't even think she knew she was saving my life, i think she was just trying to be a *****. i put myself in ****** positions because i like the pain and i like the thought of "these last days on earth". i won't grow up to be a wife or a mother, i won't grow up to make my parents proud or to get a masters. i pretend that i'm okay, but when you left i think i was far from okay and i think people saw that and forgot to ask. or maybe they saw it and just didn't care. or maybe they didn't see it and i'm a really good ******* liar. i can't stop blaming you for my pain and for my suicide notes that are crumbled up under my bed. i haven't done it yet because i'm thinking of exactly what to say that will hurt you the most. i fall in love with anyone that tells me i'm pretty or anyone that wants to take my shirt off. i fell in love with the word **** and ***** because that's what i learned love really is. two people can be in love but still love what others do to them so they break the ones who aren't broken and then the broken pretend like their fine. the ones that pretend like their fine, the ones who don't have to **** in their stomachs or wear bracelets are the ones who i'm scared for because those are the ones who will self destruct. those are the ones who will show us all that you can't leave a little girl in a store by herself or she'll start believing that everyone leaves. when she believes that she'll start pushing away anyone who tries to save her, especially the ones who are succeeding. so stop trying to ******* save me, stop trying to be my ******* hero. stop trying to pretend like you ******* understand. you see, that's why i don't love you anymore because my chariot doesn't turn into a pumpkin at midnight, my demons come out to play.

-the demon we all have (we just don't know it yet)

You've tasted the good parts of me and spit them out.
They were of no use anymore and
all you left me with was this black area that I tip-toe around.
I put on makeup, band aids, gauze and wrap,
but I'm always so careful not to touch it.
It makes me flinch with searing pain;
it would crumble my soul again with just a deep look in.
That soul I fought so **** hard to save,
but yet here I am:
staring
gazing
into the mirror all along the jagged edges of this hole.
I trace the mirror reflection of it with my fingers.
My angry fingers, bruised, red, cracked...
Fingers that would have never looked good in a ring from you.
Maybe just for tonight,
"Just for tonight." would be what an addict would say, I think with a laugh.
But maybe just for tonight, I'll dip in.
So I shut off my phone with sad, angry fingers
that would have never been beautiful.
I was beyond ready to be swallowed up.
Taking my ring finger,
the finger a ring would have lost shine to be on if someone had ever seen me that way,
and dip it in the liquid black abyss.

i'm gonna wade into the river tonight
feel the current sweep me off my feet
the water will tell me how i should see
i won't even try, won't put up a fight
because i can't keep you to me any other way
you're gone before my eyes
and my legs are already beginning to sway
but please tell me before i go any deeper
if you were here would you try and stop me?
and because it's the right thing to do
or because i was all you could see
it's cold and my hands are all twisted
but i can't even think of me
just where i want to be