She wanted to climb inside her ribcage                                                                                            
Make a home in these bones
For these for walls
rattled so violently
In a way that never felt
Like home.  
  
He wanted to be swaddled in love
Because she didn’t love him enough
And maybe if the blankets weren’t so tight  
He could be freed, finally, a dove
But he was always too scared
To take flight.

It seems like yesterday
That we all have a common item
All within our hands
That can give me more
My bread and water
Can turn to money in abundance
In which I prefer
To sell it all

So he says,

"So come buy my product
By selling yours
I deny all disruptions
That would claim
That they're fake

I promise not to scam you
As long as you give me
Your personal info
And your stock
But if you block me
I will give your computer
A nasty virus
As a ransom"

And I said "no,
I have an antivirus
In which I shall combat
Your scam in which
You try to take away
My life from me."

They think I am cold,
And distant,
Some would say aloof.
I glare at everyone I see,
Ignore anyone who talks,
Shut out my friends and family.

I retreat into myself,
Into my room,
Into whatever dark corner I can find
Because the pain of facing them,
Enduring another heartbreak,
It's just too much to bear.

I've tried to let people in,
Let them see my warmer side,
Show them who I truly am.
All they do is tear a **** in my heart,
And leave me to bleed,
To die with only myself as company.

So I am cold.
I am distant.
I am aloof.
I glare at everyone.
I talk to no one.
I shut out my friends and family.
But only to protect myself
From all the pain they will cause,
And all the lies they will tell.
I protect myself from the world,
And they protect themselves from me.

You once told me that if you were to end your life, you'd pour chemicals on your car,
On yourself,
And maybe take a couple sips while your at it.

You said you would light that **** on fire and watch the world burn around you.
And I know that if you told that to our society, they would laugh and just say,

"Don't forget to put on your seatbelt."

I feel like me
I feel happy
Is it that simple?
Do I just need to be held
To be seen
To be kissed and told
'I see you'
'I  know who you are'
To feel his strong body on top of mine
To have my complexity not only welcomed but celebrated
To be pulled so close in the dark
To feel the sweet safety of him
To be kissed and kissed and kissed
Deep and hard and true
To share emotion and longing through our lips and our tongues
Not through words but through our kisses and our touch
Your kisses speak a hundred words
Telling me what your words cannot
Stroking my hair, my face, my *******
Pulling my *******, bringing me alive
Sweet arousal wrapped up in the sweetest holding
Strong and soft
Rough and gentle
Pain and pleasure
You give me it all
Except you don’t
This is a false safety

I see a void
An empty blue
The pale color
A strange hue
I wonder how I got here
The strange light
The dark night
The end of it all for me
Then I felt something

A pulse

I opened my eyes and there
In this sea of blue
A red and orange pulse
It shined through
It was a strange color to see
The light burning within me
I moved towards it
It pulsed quicker the closer I got

Then a snap

The pulse got bright
It moved to me
I stopped
In wonder and awe
An angel walked towards me
Winged and all her feathers
They shined brightly against it all
She took me by the hand and said
Let me take you away from this place
So she grab my arm and flew away
We broke through my dome of pale blue
There I saw colors
All different shades and hues
The light burned bright in me
All because of you

Then she brought me down to earth

Scaled me to my size
Helped to see the world through new eyes
I spent time with her everyday
I made sure that she was ok
I finally worked up the courage to ask
So we could be together at last

Now I can see
Before her I was stuck
I was alive
I wasn't living
I was only feeling
Blue

this blanket is new
completely different lies one it
from a huge bear of
medvedy which I caught a long time
long ago this blanket is new

this blanket is new it lies
I will save and protect it
my safety lies and pride
and honor and great inspiration
this blanket is new

this blanket is new
it was a knight it yes when
it was both fish and sea and stars
it was everything and especially bear
yes this blanket my new lies so there is

24.10.18