Meditation, meditation
Meant to be healthy vibration,
Diving deep into the now
Losing every form somehow.

Feeling guilty
I neglected
My long meditations.

Feeling overwhelmed
Many tasks
In my head.

I am now avoiding
My own self-
Confronting.

Wanting peace
Still.
To know how I feel.

I am myself but
Ugly.
And maybe that's
Why I feel sick.

Sick of playing some role
To everyone around me.

"You're so beautiful, nice."
"You're an angel", they say.

But they don't know that I
Struggle every day.

I should be so grateful
For my physical health.
So thanks.

But I am disappointed
By having panic attacks.

Breathing gets very shallow,
Sometimes I lose control,
In my mind many thoughts,
I feel lost and alone.

Hundreds pieces
Are called Me.
But who manages it all?

Sometimes I want to hide
In a warm dark safe place
Where nobody sees me
And I don't need to be
Anyone.

I don't need to play
Any role.

I can call this place
My home.

I can feel whole
On my own.

Where I hold myself
When I am worried.

And I tell myself
Different stories.

Where I truly believe
In love.

Where I feel
As though I was enough.

nothing have i ever laid my eyes on something so tender and soft; the palm of his hand, and the tone he used as he speaks.

no matter how far i’ve wandered around, the string of mine goes back to him, a man whose existence caught my existence, 3 years ago, at Brighthelm.

something was giggling merrily inside of me the moment i was with him. it was my inner little girl, she was happy. a man that is so serene, a safe place to be with, and a situation where finally she doesn’t have to be in a survival mode. she couldn’t ask for more; that’s what she craves for. that’s enough. that’s enough for the rest of her life.

but she murmured, and asked me, will we ever be able to see him again? a part of me highkey wish to say “yes” but fate is something that’s not under my control, so, “i don’t know. we will see. but let’s just pray.”

mind; so generous and kind
you can be.
so smart and so free-living
you can be.
i’m homesick for you
in another dimension.
held captive by the dying hands of others.
mind; so wondrous and loving
you can be.
i wasn’t sure what i had before in this garden of weeds,
but you were always there,
always there for me
and i’ve taken you for granted
made you my supposed enemy.
mind; so delicate and beautiful
you can be.
when the loneliness was the only comfort
you were right all along;
i want to be alone.
alone with you.

I was sixteen when the machines came.
The letters “C-A-T” screamed at me from across the street
As the harsh yellow tore at the roots of the
Cherry trees across the street.
Of course the orchard had never been mine,
I had not planted the seeds and curated the
Beautiful blooms through their short lives,
Picked the cherries off the trees myself.
But what about all the photoshoots I’d done
Among the gorgeous white blooms,
All the times my friend had walked through
The rows of trees to get to my house and
Left paint splatters of cherries across the kitchen floor,
All the sunsets I’d seen through the leaves
That made me nostalgic for things
I had never experienced?
What if I’m growing up and moving out
And can’t seem to wrap my head around the fact that
These plants that have smiled at me from my
Window for over a decade have returned
To the Earth?
What if these days the
Weeks are crying when they should be glowing and
The absence of trees is simply the target of
One of those odd tricks that sorrow shoots out of the mind
That remind me that change is the only thing that’s
Permanent?
I wish that the emptiness of the field could be replaced by
Happy little white blooms
But instead the CAT machines screech and moan
And all I can feel is
The ache of old nostalgia and the
Peculiar nostalgia of the unknown.

i need a safe place to take off my skin and scoop out all the sorrows it carries. it peels. it burns, like a banished soul. but i have stopped saying my prayers — they just crumble into a ghostly sigh. i need a safe place — to take a peek at my demons without looking like one of them: a hurtful father. a forsaken son. a snake that sheds its memories and sins. i need a safe place to still my breathing — without my fingers pressed on a bruise and without my hands around neck. i need a safe place — a place away from all these thoughts, away from all these hurting. away from all of me.

Let me hold you close

Whisper everything will be alright

Give me all your troubles, your burdens, your pains

Give me guardianship over your secrets

Let me mend any broken pieces

Let me be your safe harbor, your sanity

Tell me everything and never hold back

It will be alright my love

Let me be your sanctuary, your refuge

Your safe place

Forever

© Seductive Poetry

Darting back and forth
Lie after another lie
This is how we live our life
Never getting the courage to change
Can't ever be honest
They'll think it's fake
Or make their troubles exaggerated
Always pushing us down
Making us feel worse
I don't blame them though '
It's human nature
Living in the form of I
To avoid conflict we stay out of sight
Just like the mouse everyone wants dead
That's how we're seen
Just the bother
Always complaining about the bad
But how do we talk about the good
When there is none
Maybe we seem negative
But when we see you laughing
We think how
How can that person even laugh?
I could never feel that way
This is how we life our life