the night air is calm and cold and utterly refreshing
a break from the heavy humidity that fills my lungs throughout the long summer days
but my mind is foggy because it’s filled with thoughts of me with you
i can’t quite comprehend how you make me feel
i love the rush i get with you
but being yours is like riding a rollercoaster
right now i’m at the top just waiting to plunge down again
as exhilarating as it is
i am frightened
about how far i will fall for you

i feel like im gliding down a stream
i see the trees and the beutiful skyline above me
those are my happy days

i feel like im racing down a waterfall
i see nothing because it all goes by too quickly for me to focus on anything
those are my stress days

i feel like im in the middle of an ocean
in a raging storm where the waves are huge and feel like im going to drown
those are my anger days

i feel like im in the middle of an ocean
all alone the days feel like weeks and no one is there to care
those are my depression days

somedays though i feel like im in all of those conditions at once and by the time i get home from wherever i am at i feel empty and out of breath ready to crawl into my bed and say goodnight and never want to wake up but at the same time wanting to stay alive but wondering if it is worth it anymore

We say it every day
Second guessing it constantly
Never knowing if it’s true
Warping into mayhem on the inside
Grinning on the outside
This feeling isn’t right
This feeling isn’t safe
But it’s familiar

Some call it insanity
Some call it torture
Some call it an illness
But we crave the way this feels

Isolating us from all common sense
It will break us in the end
But we are still on this ride
Chasing each other through ups and downs,
Twists and turns
On this rickety old rollercoaster
Never knowing when to stop

Arms in the air
Faces to the sky
Wind in our hair
Eternally giddy
Eternally reckless

We are wild on this ride
We are wild in our hearts
We will fly off these tracks together
We will land with bruises and scars
We will heal,
Forget our regrets,
And we will do it all over again.
We call this love.

Looking for Snoopy

Rollin’ on that rhythmic rollercoaster
My knuckles dead white, I can’t
Lose it on this lightspeed slant
Of fire, feeling those flashes
As the thunder thrill goes faster

Are you diggin’ what I’m sayin?
I ain’t gonna scream, got some
Dignity under this blue dome
Are you shakin, it’s bootin’
You ain’t got time for tremblin’

I’m targetin’ the sparklin’
Sky full of that shinny gold
So I can start believin’
I’ll reach someone I hold
Dear in my throbbing heart

Are you diggin’ what I’m sayin?
I ain’t gonna tremble until I touch
The silvery stars to rush
My present to your present
In the myriad of the moment
A doggie you’re still drawin’

Turns out I found this fellow
Surviving on this swayin’
Spinning track trippin’
I put him in papers that glow
To your doorstep delivered
Hope you’ll enjoy, recovered

That merry memory
Packed with awesomeness
Allow some silliness
From California and me
Happy birthday Mommy
With love and pink cherry

February 15, 2015

My life is like a carousel.
This one I can't get off.
It's beautiful on the outside,
but it never ever stops.
The world is a blur now,
from spinning for years and years.
It's easy for people to say I'm fine,
when they haven't felt my tears.
Your life might be a roller coaster,
going up and down.
That's way more fun than being stuck
Spinning round and round

i am aware
that bad days exist
and will never cease to exist
so it seems
but i know
that there will be good days
or at least days slightly better
than the bad
to give comparison
and yes it's a tiring rollercoaster
i don't like too wild of rides
but so long as you're next to me
for this head-whirling ride
i'll never stop smiling