To some,
It's just a new day
Like the days before this;
A change in a date
Like 2021 changing into 2022;
There's nothing special about today
Cuz "New Year New Me" is a myth
That's what I used to believe
Until 2020,
When I realized that there's more
It's not just arithmetic figures
But it's the start of a new beginning
Of our lives journey
To the future
Where unending opportunities await
To better education, skills and lives
Get closer to our family and friends
Build broken relationships
Work out on our bodies
Be kind to strangers and the needy
Quit drinking and smoking
Practice financial management
And it all starts with a checklist,
A plan to execute it
Achieve each of them
And review for progress

I feel so miserable
Nothing is going to change
I feel so caught up in
all my rage
… grow up

I feel like I deserve
to die and if not
I deserve to hurt
I feel so overwhelmed
I need something
to cover my head
…. grow up

I feel empty inside
and yet so full
I could explode
What I feel right now
is all I will ever know
… grow up
Grow up
Grow up
Grow up
GROW UP
GROW UP
GROW UP
GROW UP

May your year be measured
by revelations and not resolutions

May you see your uncountable gifts
than boastfully count meagre goals

May you on uncharted waters walk
than by uncertain stars fearfully chart

And may you in power compelled to fly
than all powers beseeched to comply

Some songs have no name
written October 19th, 2020

I come back to the same theme
of pain and the past
manifesting in my present.

I have tried ignoring them.
I have tried fighting them.
I have sought therapists and seers
who teach me new ways to battle,
but what I fight and avoid
just seems to get stronger.

Forgive they say.
I  WILL  NOT
say it was ok
tell you to go peacefully to your death
with no stain on your conscience.

I try accepting
living with the demons and memories
the hurt and betrayal
where there should have been safety and comfort.

Will I die an old lady one day
still crying and hiding?
Will I find a peace of my own?
Can origami cranes and butterflies
fill my skies?

It wasn’t “I love you”
but at least it was goodbye.

Maybe I just forgot to make them
Or perhaps its the lack of interest

But this year

No new years resolutions.

I’ve tried all year
To change the person I am

But last year

I didn’t change

So what makes people think,
That I’ll change this year?

I am
Casting down imaginations
To the pulling down of., strong-holds
Gearing up for the., long term
But from the outside looking in?
May seem bold
or  quite
MAD*
( Well )
Just referring to the thoughts
that I have
that are really not that far- off
while dreaming of.,  REVELATION
No fabrication on my part
As I try to separate the Light
from the Dark
with high hopes and
Aspirations
Which is.. a sen-sational sensation of flying high
as I'm being
           vated
ele-
                  Elevelation
High on
Or something like a planned
Evo-lu-tion that is so
True
Staying true to my elevation in 2020
leading into 2020 one
Now seeing  Dou-ble
Vision
( Although )
Some might try to fix it?
Yeaah
But I would beg to differ
Cause it would take.. Twice.. the listen
Care to listen?
Just to see things
Different
And at the same time?
Shuning the carnal mind's version
of seeing  Dou-ble
Vision
May call it.. Twinning
Which is the true definition
of being  Dou-ble
Minded
So to combat this?
I would just never
Mind it ( meaning )
There's no rules or
bars of
Confinement
For no 20 or Eye is missing
from my
INTUITION
Raised suspicions?
Well., Just hoping that you will
tread.. carefully
And stay
Centered
As you enter my center of words
and.. penning
As I write the vision
I'll make it plain and simple
No Subliminals
Or either I'll keep it at minimal
While maintaining the
Visuals
As usual
As I keep on gaining in
WISDOM