Good morning.
Lean into the good,
even if a hangover fug
has you in its grasp,
breathe deep.

We still have grey days
to argue with, some tears,
til greenery ensues
when lost, hidden and new truths will return.

So make the morning good,
with toast and jam
or salt, fat and shenanigans.

And for your soul,
despite the impotent bitterness
of prevailing winds,
prop open the door a little.

On the New Year's Eve,
As the clock hits midnight
and marks the new beginning
- The show begins
In a flash,
the night sky
gets lit on fire,
Fiery flowers hissing and fizzing,
their crackle and boom
steal the silence,
and in the midst of this frenzy;
I begin to ponder
that with each passing year,
we are racing towards - our destiny,
so I look back
and question myself
to contemplate
the mistakes I made,
the promises I break,
the unrealistic goals - I set,
and in this moment
I know why many of us
(when entering into the new year)
misses the mark
just like the kids who were
shooting rockets - in the dark...

let me not dwell on things i lost, forgot.
who gains from memories of memories fought?

...i resolve to tune out
...write more
...nap more

...i resolve to embrace confusion
...keep discovering
...keep listening

...i resolve to be more self-aware
...refuse to act my age
...say less no and more yes

...but let my yes be yes and my no be no

Do I want to cry?
Do I want to laugh?

Should I enjoy life or let it pass
I feel so good but equally so awful

Stop killing people
Stop bringing pain

Death is the only source of peace
Can’t find it in the human life

I’ve felt pain
I’ve felt joy

But when is the happy ending?
Where does the hurt stop?

I like to think it will all work out
But that ***** not gonna happen

I am not an angry woman
Though you try to make me so
I’m scrupulous. And sentient
And more than you’ll ever know.

I realise now, I don’t know you either
Not your song, only what you show
I don’t know your passions or your vices
Or what thoughts, through you, flow.

Thus, in that living equinox,
On that line in the sand,
Between all of me and all of you
We make our momentary stand.
You can have me as I choose
I won’t be carved by your hand.

So, look not, oh stranger, for my rage
For such a thing is but infernal
Instead, find in me an endless love
For I am Olga and I am, Eternal.

Claustrophobic
Cockroaches in corners
Concrete slabs
Clutching, cloaking, choking

Confined and
Constrained of a
Counterfeit life, I was the perfect
Charlatan of my encompassing separation.

Compelled into Self, oh yet
Cumbersome conditioning
Cultivating awareness within
Concentrated compression. I,

Cave!
Capitulation. Cannot withstand these
Currents of clouded
Compensation.

Comfortable in this
Chaos, as I've finally
Concluded: It comprises all of me.
Completely void

Contently
Containing nothing,
Clear from attached perceptions
Captivating Silence.

Come through me
Crawl into my
Caverns
Crash unto my shore

Caressing sensuality
       Continuously
Cascading        down, down, down
Composing my entirety.

I was never the one,

            I wasn't even the second
of what ever you thought you
wanted from us.

I was never going to be yours,

           I wasn't even mine,
I resisted the urge to look
at the scars
                  of
       where I'd been.

            I'd not been to
that place for a while.

But how can I be what others push,
        like I'm an addiction
waiting to be cured.
   There the needle pushing in my skin.
   breaking my resolution to not be
                           like I was before this.


Sorry, I couldn't give you a smile,
           I couldn't give you time,
           I couldn't even give you us.



                                      I'm not even mine..