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Daisy Rae Jun 2017
lessons are learned
and hatred hurts
but i'll slip away from your grip
just to feel the burn
on my lips
down my throat
in my lungs
overdose
i might not live
my body could reject this poison
boys &
***** &
smoke filled rooms
where'd you go my girl?
overdose
don't get too close
recovery only lasts for a time
but then times up &
it's back to the bottle &
drunken kisses &
rolled up death notes
overdose
no one knows
i can't help it
relapse many times in a row
third times a charm  
that's how life goes
you get real high &
then down you go
*overdose
Eva Jun 2017
"I'm better now"
I say, as I stare at a black screen,
Alone, numb.

"I'm better now"
I declare, as I sit on the floor of my room,
Too scared to go outside.

"I'm better now"
I mutter, as little cuts slowly appear
Along the side of my arm.

"I'm better now"
I scream, as I push my body
Off the floor and into the sky.

"I'm so happy, I'm better now"
We worked so hard to get me to stop cutting
Did you not notice that once I stopped I started lashing out
You tell me you hate that I'm always angry
I tell you I don't know what that's about
I search for a blade every now and then but give up before I can ever find one
Today it became too much so I grabbed the scissors and I make a slit
I know you'll get mad but what else can I do? I either hurt myself or I hurt you
I know this is bad but it felt so good, I'm not angry anymore
I know it's unfair but you have to choose one.
Original
Sandoval Jun 2017
Love* is a drug,

distance is rehab.

One look from you eyes,

and I'll relapse.

*Sandoval
Annie McLaughlin Jun 2017
I relapsed
it happened so fast
and now there's blood on my favorite hoodie
and I don't know why I'm so sad
I ******* relapsed
and my best friend hugged me silently because she saw the scars on my arm
she didn't say a word because she thinks it's not her place
but all I want to do is cry or scream in someone's face
and now I'm looking at my arm just before I fall asleep
and I keep thinking to myself

that looks really bad
that looks really bad
that looks really bad

it feels like no one understands me
I have nowhere to run
I've started pushing people out
I've started denying any fun
this is getting scary
how did this come on?
I relapsed, baby
really quick and really much
there's some blood drops on the floor
but if ever someone asks
I will say

Well, I don't know where it came from
but that looks really bad
that looks really bad
*that looks really bad
I'm hurting so ******* bad right now... Just a week ago I was fine... And now I have too many scars on my arm to count and I'm always sad and I don't know why. My mind is screaming for help but my tongue refuses to ask
Annie McLaughlin Jun 2017
I slipped up.
I slit cuts.
I didn't mean to.
I drew blood.

I read online
When I was probably just 14 or 15 years old
That most people don't stop until their 20's
And it scared me
But I thought
"No, I'll stop right now"

But I didn't.
I couldn't.

I slipped up.
I slit cuts.
I didn't mean to.
I drew blood.

And now that I'm older
It hurts more to try to hide it
And now that I have people that care about me
Often times they don't understand why this part of my life is still relevant
And all I can say to make them understand is

I slipped up.
I slit cuts.
I just had to.
I drew blood.
You know it's getting bad when you don't bother to turn the lights on.

Fight or flight instinct in the form of rivers running dry. Feeling blurry, a forgery. The end is always the same, penalties lying in ditches and the sirens running red and blue like the fourth of July.

Shimmering sawdust that forgets how to become human again. Try to remember the moments you stilled into statue. They become important. Trust me.

This is not Jerusalem. There is no holy left. It's a too-human fight, and I hope what they say about time healing things is true because this scraping, this constant rearranging of the keys, it's too much.

When nothing makes it better, not the kisses, or the pills, or the planets. Nothing. The past and present chewing me up and spitting me out, until the future can get its hands on me too.

I am still trying to figure out right and wrong. I am still trying to find out where the bandages are, but it's hard, you know?

She had soft smiles and a degree in empathy framed in her office, but I couldn't stand her for more than a month. I could see her pen twitching in her hand. After all, there are boxes to tick if I get too honest.

I shouldn't have called my mom, or let her fish me out of the river. While I was coughing liquid from my lungs, I heard her tell the paramedic,

*She could have learned to breathe underwater, if only she'd tried harder.
well, this is depressing (depression tends to be)
Came down from my high
To my surprise, nothing changed
A druggie's relapse
Angel Apr 2017
The blade is dull
but not dull enough
so I scratch in just enough to see red
I can feel my mind & body calm
focused
at ease
no stinging
numb
did I subconsciously pick this spot
as a reminder?
not enough red
it's a test
why?
the music isn't loud enough
flip the switchblade
relapsed.
I'm ok.
Eddie Verdusco Apr 2017
I'm coming down my high again
I've lost my soul
I've lost a friend 
Unhinged
I lie and I pretend
That it's my choice to let it in
Infatuation
Euphoric floe 
Imagination
I let life go
This must be heaven
No one must know
This moment is my private show
I am an addict
I'm what remains
Slave to my Savior 
In crystal chains
I know that later I'll feel the shame
Of a never ending cycle
Of a life that stays the same
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