I take the first sip
then take a deep breath
A sigh of relief
Reassurance of my comfort zone

My head is quiet
I feel alive
I feel everything
Everything feels great

It's a few sips later
I feel a pain, the pain
Just under my right breast
I am killing myself and I can't stop it

my monsters are silent
no one hears my screams
these demons are violent
and they conquer me in teams

look into my eyes,
my synthetic smile,
I'll hide what underlies,
crying's not my style

Through the thick I drag these chains
chronic mental pains
Over me my demons reign
misery my veins contain

Through the dust I try to see
the lifeless creature that is me
I'll set fire to these trees
and my life, I will seize

the scabs heal
leaving behind faint pink marks
over time the pink fades
only saying hello in the shower
you’re proud
because you’ve been clean
for over a month

but out of the corner of your vision
a silver gleam catches your eye
your blade lies on your desk
whispering sweet nothings to you
gingerly, you pick up your razor
and tenderly ****** the edges
caressing the red tinted tip

first you tell yourself:
“i’ll only make a scratch”
which progresses to
“i’m fine as long as i don’t bleed”
to
“**** it”
as you slice yourself like bread
and warm blood drips down
alongside tears
for you’ve relapsed once again

i crave you
like an addict
searching for their fix
oh sweetheart
relapse
has never tasted so sweet

s.s

I creep towards a flicker of light
No sheets to keep me from the callous cold
My bare flesh introduced to the February night
Transfixed by the light, my eyes swim and glitter
I rush away from the old creaking bed, away from that shell.
Where he gifted me memories of dust, dark and bitter.
I flee my partner in crime, my everlasting disease
As he fast sleeps, ready to make love to my brain
But I rush and feel no rush between my legs increase.
Stars wave and a bird flies home, I sigh in relief.
For I too go home, somewhere under the sky.
As I smile to spring away, I sense something in disbelief.
A pair of hands gripping my arms and neck.
Just to believe it was over, oh heck!