I fear a ghost has taken hold of me;
I feel its presence when I tend to wake
From eerie dreams that blur reality,
A haunting feeling that I cannot shake.
It steals from me the things I once enjoyed,
And leaves an empty feeling in their place,
As if my life were something to be toyed,
Then left alone and broken in its case.
I'm at the mercy of an angry kid
Who died alone, afraid and far too young.
Too scared to face his fears, he only hid,
And choked upon the words stuck on his tongue.
Shackled to him, I try but can't escape;
To bear the burden of his sins, my fate.

I was afraid to get close to you,
Fearing the allure of your arms,
Afraid I'd succumb too readily,
Unable to resist your charms

I was afraid that your kiss might hold
A thrill I could never forget,
Afraid my loving you would become
A choice I would live to regret

I was afraid you might be the man
I could easily come to adore,
Afraid you'd beguile me with your love,
And then leave me begging for more

I was afraid you would steal my heart
With your flowery words and rhyme,
Then flippantly cast it asunder
To be lost to the winds of time

Then I thought perhaps I feared too much,
So I granted Love its rightful due;
Love repaid me . . . with tears and regret --
For all of my fears have come true

I said I’d stop,
but silence felt safer than truth.
Lit it up just to let you go,
watched the hurt fade with the smoke.
One breath,
then none.
Now you’re gone—
or maybe I am.

If yesterday had come for you,
               I’d mourn forever.

If today is that day you leave me,
          still I’ll never forget you.

If tomorrow already erased you,
     then maybe I should retrace it.

I wore the call like borrowed skin,
“Serve thy nation, cleanse the sin.”
But duty whispered in disguise—
And led me blind with open eyes.

I shot a boy whose hands were inked,
His gaze met mine—our fates linked.
His mother’s scream became my thread,
A lullaby I sing in dread.

I silenced poets, burned their page,
Mistook their words for rebel rage.
No gun they raised, no war they waged—
Just truths too loud to keep uncaged.

They pinned a medal on my chest,
A shining badge that won’t let rest.
Each star a mark I can’t erase—
An honor earned in dark disgrace.

They spoke of pride and sacrifice,
But never told me peace has a price.
Now dreams return in uniform,
And every night becomes a storm.

This ballad plays in broken loops,
Of war not won but buried truths.
I bore a flag that bore a lie—
And now I’m left too dry to cry.

Mug heat radiates
I boil in my regret
The phone is right there

At Switchback Coffee
Colorado Springs, C-O
April the nineteenth

You never realize how good you had it till it's taken from you.

The opportunity you had that slipped from your grasp.
The time you could've spent doing so much more.
The job you lost and can't seem to match.
The friends you had that nobody can quite compare to.
Or maybe it's the love that you took for granted.

It's easy to think that everything is an upwards climb.
You can tell yourself that it will all get better and neglect what you do have for what you don't have.
But life doesn't work like that, not at all.
Sometimes, the things you neglected become the things you wish you would've appreciated, even if just slightly more.

We just want and want and want, but we never sit to think about what we do have, rather than what we think we will have.

No matter
                      Upon which surface I tread
Moss sand soil
Sediments of years
                                  Long past
Become exposed
                                  Each step
Layers of guilt
A backpack
That cannot be lightened
                                     Or past to another
When load or gradient surpass my will

No matter
                     Upon which surface I tread
Footprints left
                          Sink deeper
Than scales would suggest
One day soon
                        With love and acceptance
A path upon tissue paper
                                   Will leave no trace

She looks just like a dream, the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen,
Like a cover of a magazine, she shines, so serene.
Her eyes held a world that i couldn’t understand ,
A vision of beauty, slipping like sand.

I stood, caught in that fleeting, fragile space,
Where nothing was real, but I still gave chase.
She was the sun, I the fading moon,
In her light, I lost myself too soon.

"She looks like a dream," the words echo in my mind,
A perfect illusion, but no place for me to find.
I tried to fit, I tried to be whole,
But I didn’t belong—just a shadow, a soul.

I reached for her, but she slipped through my hands,
A face in a crowd, lost in distant lands.
I never showed her the depth I had inside,
I hid my true self—kept my heart denied.

And now I’m here, trapped in the past,
The dream’s a nightmare, and I’m outclassed.
I see her face, but she’s never near,
A memory, a ghost I hold dear.

The silence screams louder than words,
In my head, the pain echoes like birds.
I wonder, could I have made it right?
Or was I always meant to fade from sight?

This cage I built, too tight to breathe,
I locked myself in, no way to leave.
And now she’s gone—no touch, no sound,
Just an echo, a feeling, trapped and bound.

I dream of her, but she doesn’t see,
The boy I was, who could never be.
And so I stay, haunted by a face,
The prettiest dream, but I don’t fit in that place.

I wish I could forget, wish I could flee,
But every night, she’s all I see.
Trapped in the dream, with no way out,
Loneliness whispers, it’s all I’m about.

I hate myself for this.
For the way I freeze
when all I want is to say
Stay. Please. Stay.
For the way I let silence
stand in for love
because I was too afraid
she wouldn’t echo it back.

I’ve lifted mountains for less.
Faced fire with bare hands.
But the idea of saying her name
with a question mark at the end?
It guts me.
It makes me feel small,
like the boy who never got picked,
still sitting in the dust
pretending he didn’t care.

There’s grace in everything I can’t reach—
her name feels too soft
for the kind of storm
she stirs in me.
I speak like I’m fine,
but every silence she leaves behind
echoes louder
than anything I’ve ever said.

She made me feel
like I could matter.
Like I was seen.
Like I wasn’t just passing through.

And now I’m the one ghosting myself—
watching my chances rot
on the vine
while I pretend
they weren’t ripe to begin with.

People say “just ask her.”
Like it’s nothing.
Like it’s not years of rejection
chained around my throat.
Like I didn’t already build
a thousand ways
she could say no
and mean it kindly—
which hurts worse, honestly.

I’m so exhausted
from being brave everywhere else
except here.
With her.
Like my courage runs out
the moment it matters most,
and all that’s left
is a boy with full lungs
and no voice.

And I know I’ll regret this.
I already do.
Because she’ll be gone.
And I’ll still be here—
writing poems
instead of living them.