In the grave there is a whisper
I thought I’d finally speak aloud
For the sake of one sole listener
Who never made me proud

Underneath the stiff church seats
Someone beats a heavy drum
I was silent when you stomped your feet
And left me feeling numb

I took every shot I thought I deserved
And tried my best to be
The water that you walked on
The poison that you bleed

Like a starved man, I'd chew
The harsh regret between my teeth
Until the belly fills with rue
And really, I’m still hungry

And at the end of it all I’m still afraid
That living souls will speak my name
That I will meet my maker when
The last of love inside me ends

And then there is the lingering fear
That I was never worth your tears
You’ll cry and bellow out my name
And never know I cry the same

You and I went walking down the road to his café
Counting empty houses
Feeling like two louses in the neck of a sparrow

And I continued on when someone called for you
Pacing through the seconds in a chore
I watched you fall to pieces that July
Leaving in my clothes that you’d outworn

We had crossed the Platte River
The end of December
The heater was broken; we shivered inside
I crossed into Denver the moment he died

The doctor told you what you knew all along
And you told me in Walmart up by Castle Rock
My heart; it erupted; I spun you around
While locals with pitchforks said we were clowns

But I ran out of money by November
I took up busy work by tending to the bar
Just outside the city; on a gravel country road
We took to the shelter when the weather got too cold

And soon, the money was coming in
Salt was selling faster than Beyoncé
I took us out to dances; put a lien on a home
You were feeling golden; we could finally be alone

Habits die hard under diamonds of pressure
Wishing I had checked out when you came
The VA wasn’t kind to me; I wasn’t kind to him
Nearly drank myself to death at Vicky’s Bar

Finally we ended up where we were all along
Your mother tried to tell you we were wrong
I came back home to care for him and stay
You started to grow restless and uneasy

I was waiting for you at the top of the stair
You slowly said goodbye
I was never really one to ask you why.

Time passes as my name must be a long gone Memory
Stars die out, as you must tire from my apology
A singular, repetitive one, in a hope you say Hello one day
That we meet again, you look my way, and for one time to say
"I love you."

Constantly seen messages, Constant messenger pigeons
They console me, gently chide, tell me to let be
Yet every time it blurs my vision
That the prospect to becoming a lover and father one day
is tearing me apart

To use my youth denies accountability, blame others ruins my integrity, To say my mouth had enough, disregards the truth
My words followed the dark path my heart made, My youth turned adult
Can time, that heals wounds, till turn me into captivity
Where my own bedroom feels like a peaceful prison?


Can it be so easy to hate everyone, and wish they'd die?
Even the ones I love who I wish expire and live in the sky?
That my begging, tearful nature, is a crutch, and turns my fleeting independence
To a childish dependence
On others to send you messages I wish I could do myself

I believe God will bring her back, and bring me peace
But do I deserve such a charitable Deed?
I pray, cry and hope indeed
That his divined intervention intercedes

That a measly 7 months of silence
Can never compare to an eternity where death doesnt guarantee our souls meet
Tested by my patience
Willing to lose the sheep and honey bees of this world
For the bunny I sold away in anger

And so, around pretty women, one must put their mind on their
hip — and also keep their heart on their mind, for when they think
about those feelings. You can get crushed by a crush, yet it is you
alone who bears the burden of its sting— intuition, should be carried
like a sickness, and should you cough, let it out on the world as a bit
of wisdom.

Cos love ensnares us all, yet we remain oblivious to the means of an
escape from it – until the moment arrives when the sweetness of affection turns sour; a love tainted... when you both become so sick of
each other, that every kiss tastes a bit like *****.


                                            A bitter aftertaste that lingers of regret.

This year is destined to be unlike any other,
Full of gains, yet marked by quiet losses.

There are moments brimming with anticipation,
And fears of letting something precious slip away.
There are silent guardians watching over,
And blessings whispered softly into the wind.

I find myself waiting for something unknown,
Unsure of what it might be.
Yet, I wish to wait a little longer...
Just a little longer...
Perhaps, something extraordinary might truly arrive.

As I look back on the path we've traveled,
I hope only to leave behind hope,
Without asking for anything in return.
Let us continue this journey together,
Bound by a wordless understanding.
Everything is felt,
And nothing needs to be spoken.
Let us keep walking this way...
Always...

Dragged up from these depths,
Lost in forgotten days,
Nostalgic reminiscing,
Flitting between mirages of past,
Those ancient times,
Which are set in stone,
To the
Misery-filled,
Regrettable,
Present.

I have certainly had more than enough time to consider my existence.
In spite of men who have praised me for my talents, that I did not rear,
I was still unable to look within.

Inquiries of my arrival here
rage in my tears
blood covered, yet, my screech is joy to their ears
my umbilical cord
it tethers me
still, I have been casted forth from my mother
the sun that shines brightly in the sky above is transfixed in its position until the moon gradually confiscates its earthly spot.
I learned to crawl at first.
Many moons pass, then, steps I would begin to take
I stumbled to win the race

wait.

If I fail, then still, I rose to save face.
An adolescent, but, still, I am determined to win this race
I am driven
stepping into my teenage years beyond the pace of my peers
foolish, a youthful mistake that I have failed to comprehend as I stand in the aftermath

wait.

Cycle of life
I emerge from the aftermath as an adult acknowledging my pain
standing up once again
preparation for another knock down
I am still driven
Yet, and now, I am driving pon dark roads.
Distressing are my most dramatic thoughts
I come to rest upon devised dreams

wait.

Dreams deferred drag the time of my reality
I am elderly
I am tethered
tethered, somewhat, to my descendants
newer life
though, it is that familiar cycle -
my family.

Considering my existence
I have looked within.
Now, peering externally, I am able to behold versions of me.
My eyes, their eyes,
their noses, my nose
they have become, currently, the unforgotten reflections of me
those precious angels of mine.

I behold them and smile when I consider this existence of mine.