Every day is the same thing,
What keeps us moving,
The substance and the drugs that some keep abusing so

What is this world now?
Where is the count down?
If this is a circus then we're all just clowns!

The ringleader speaks and so think we must not
Instead we pop the pills that gives us courage once lost!
Amidst all the rot, flowers love me not,
Nature won't forgive for we have forgot!

rappers live alone, die alone with a microphone.

© Matthew Harlovic

Stolen warmth gone for now,  followed by melancholic uneventful sounds. When I walk, I walk away from seeing. Everything I thought I might've been. This skin trying to fly away from me, like a misplaced shadow searching for a body to shrug off its grief. Bending, arcing, aching thumbs that have too much memory to allow them any fun. The old time might have agreed, with the girl lost for at least three weeks. Sugar and a can of milk condensed, heated up over campfire coals in the woods near Libereć.

Twice I'm too scared to talk. After a boxing match with a raging bull. Staleness lingers over these sweating hips, where half a moon quaffs down Verdi's Requiems. I told you I'm hiding in the jungle now. Through these cufflinks I speak through a startled jowl. First that dying tone, the startling sound of a fading D Minor song. The mines of the forest grieve, until the hours born sell the rights to sleep. Taken and away from grief, where wiggling children's fingers are seen. Only to find the child was not a realty.
Let your hands make amends to me, whether you're here for the pistachio ice cream or vanilla almond dream. Princess pleas for a pauper's being.

Looks like the child bit off half it's tongue, to ignore all inquiries into where its gone. Minute games and clauses of flesh, I tie her up using her own belt.  Chasing The Rockies for a festive blue, then I gorge myself while she enrolled me too. Quiet bandits filled with starlight.

I swear your wingspan can bring man to his knees
but I’ve learned to withstand what it does to me.
We used to be in love, I used to hold her hand
till someone told her fly free so she left me for better land.
She said I love you like a friend. I hope you understand.
No I don’t but I see how you took a younga’ man
unda’ your wing and pulled a couple of strings
like it was all according to plan.
Now I’m not the biggest fan of your antics
but I gotta stand up even if I can’t stand it.
******* it. I know I’m at a disadvantage
but I’ll manage when haven’t I been up to a challenge?
Time to put your hands in. No I won’t be a stand in
but don’t panic man it’s so outlandish for you to think
that I’ll go ghost and vanish on you in a blink of an eye
before I can wash up what you can dish out
oh my gosh I wish you would just quit now while you’re ahead.
I’ll explore the ends of the Earth for my friend.
I’ll return to her once she earns it,
once she deserves it, once upon a time.
Never mind the prior line just discern it
like you did the verdict.
Yeah you heard it and I’m sure it sounds absurd
but at first you found a thirst for the last word.
I heard you mutter ‘*******’ under your breath
and honestly, I’m flattered
to see how much I mattered to you nonetheless.
But promise me that once this all ends,
we’ll still have the strength to make amends
because I said it once before and I’ll say it again.
I said I’ll always love you just like a friend.

© Matthew Harlovic

Still lanky dude with the long hair
Still can't tell you when, but I'm getting there.
Still the best poet you ever read.
Still don't think you'll read it till I'm dead.
Still gassing up past 3 AM
Still saying "Won't fall in love again."
Still waking up from the same dreams
Still getting air when I try and scream
Still wanna **** up a KMart
Still wanna skip to the next part
Still got a problem with some folks
Still tryna swallow and just choke
Still poor, still *****, and still tired
Still last resort if you need a ride
Still driving off of the Hairpin
Still hope the car lands in heaven

Still the one that loved you despite all of the pain
Still pulling the heart together, next is still the brain
Still the beating of it, stop it dead, leave it there to rot
Still wonder if you ever gave it a second thought

Still fighting toys in the playroom
Still saying "we're gonna move soon"
Still getting kicked out in August.
"Still this isn't breaking my promise."
Still smoking out in the same seats
Still hiding under the bedsheets
Still hit a home run in most cases
Still gotta touch all four bases
Still don't have the words for this feeling
Still tryna peel me off of the ceiling
Still chew my teeth instead of food
Still try to learn like I'm in school
Still hate the face in the mirror
Still my vision only gets clearer.
Still wanna ruin a Wal-Mart.
Still gonna race with the shopping carts.
Still scaling the shelving in home decor
Still can't go back, still banned from the store

Still gassing up past 4 AM
Still city streets, devoid of men
Still have to make wrong a few rights
Still, like a deer in headlights.

So i stand in front of a boy i never gave up on
Til now, you're taking my strength when i need to stay strong
It's like watching a creation from a test tube; experiment
Only less of a man and more of a little princess!

I took punches to the face for you, prove my f!@#$%ng loyalty!
You just stood there, proof that in return you'd do f@#k all for me!
It's like when I needed you most you was standing, walking dead
Hopeless and far from helpful in your own battles, yet again!

For months I've tried dragging a dead weight out from his own grave
That with his own hands and borrowed strength he decided once he'd made
Yet how can you pull something that refuses to move
It's not that he's stuck for f@#k sake, he just doesn't want to!

Doesn't have a job, doesn't go to school
Instead lives in a van in his backyard and refuses to move
Or do anything as a matter of fact, just cry over his last love
You've all the time and i think I've heard enough!

Of hearing how she's your everything, wake up dude you're fifteen
I get you get feelings to but you're sounding like a ***** love machine!
All i hear nowadays is how you're so f@#$ing depressed
Suicidal like it's vital to take anger out on your own chest!

You could have been the best, beaten every test
You have a brain for Christ's sake, stop talking about Death
Like he's your best friend, that was me but now i gotta let go
Of someone i held out for, who cries for help but only cries for soap

Make a reality show out of it, a helpless little man
I had such hope where did it go i just don't f@#$ing UNDERSTAND!!

I know i tend to fixate on problems that don't matter
Only wishing i could go back before disaster even happened
Some people need to learn, to learn from mistakes made
Hypocrisy says i do that one thing every **** day

In preaching a solution and trying to make it apply
I happily problem-repeat I know the truth not the reasons why
Pushing at an answer for all my unknown questions
I ask too much yet not enough to feel slightly pressured

Second guessing my responses and accepting all the consequences
Similarly, weighing  50/50 on my consciousness
A problem-less probability of dealing with **** peacefully
Is like changing the definition of equality to equity

Everywhere i go i walk slow, just to breathe in the air
Walking with a swagger listening to Marshal Mathers like i don't care
What you think of me, keep talking the talk
I'll stride on by because i walk the sidewalk while y'all just stop and gawk
Staring at my hungrily like a fish to a ravenous hawk
I'm a Phoenix mother f*er it's a competition, of the squawk!

Like it's only my fault, just hoping to live a life
I'm not squatting in the shadows like a motorcycle with no brake line
You're wheeling out of control, wheezing coz of all you smoke
You wanna whittle at it and puff puff but your throat catches and chokes!

Gripping at all your lost dreams like trying to grasp sand
Time up, ticked over, read the back of my packet to understand
Trying always to make the best of a real bad situation
Like pulling rainbows and silver clouds from a city lost to mayhem

I turn to the TV and turn it on, another twenty dead
Because a Middle Eastern man let religion get to his head
That sort of **** sticks to me like glue to overused shoes
A few years old and growing mould, worn and torn under daily abuse

Another case of law and order failing at justice
Because people will talk tall **** just to evade the clutches
Did you know its a 497 cash fine,
For running red lights
Yet some mother got 500 for baby bashing crimes?!

She took straight to the Internet, said she'd do it all again
This stays straight on my mind like wedded couples wearing golden rings
Quite simply put, the system has me shook
Prisoners behind bars and crooks running free like headless chooks!

Maybe you're starting to sense a little something in what I say
If not then just for you I'll become religious, bless you and pray
That maybe someday, you'll glare past the flashing red signs
And meet it with a gaze like a good student meets every deadline

Sophistication is the message hiding behind my words
If you refuse to look further than death and dirt you won't witness the hurt
It takes time for mad rhymes stuck to brainwaves like lifelines
To resign, and reappear from the pen to padded paper lined

And it's even harder putting the pieces in place
This is a jigsaw puzzle, such trouble is a thousand mistakes
But align them like a cosmic balance; and there you have it
Another visionary hole for a dead and dying rabbit

*It's clear to me,
You can't see
What is going on inside my mind

So here i stand,
Do what i can,
To show the scars of what claws inside

It's clear to me
You can't see
The cogs turning gears inside my mind

So here i stand,
Pen and paper in hand
To read you the words between the lines

This world is so broke
The earth wrapped in smoke,
So I rapped just to cope
Throw glow to a soul,  
Gave birth to adapt to the rap then I show,
Embrace my worth to grow l, then I sew,
Puffing this smoke blow away the fake hope,
Chasing my dreams til my dreams come home,
Spitting venom every sentence from a tongue of deception,
I question their method of self protection,
Adding dimension to this world I'm cutting tension,
Need a new invention for a cure to this infection,
I'm punching through-a-void, empty noise destroys,
I'm clutching to annoy so sing a-pray-a-boys,
people roun' me acting koi, like false raid on Troy,
actuality boy, shine the pain hide the joy,
so when I look right in the mirror I know I see me,
again, I took flight trial and error my guarantee,
I live daydreams writing schemes to be alone,
wearing baggy jeans no clean t, no phone,
a drone, figurines no family tree tired to roam,
singular road, my brains so fuzzy I'm bout to implode,
I'm the youngen in the runnin out gunnin,
I'm the one that's becoming too cunning,
I see your bluffing but your mind is numbing,
fallen in the system, it's your homecoming,