What does it mean to be human?
Does it mean that your body is flesh and bone?
My body is made of plastic.
What are you made of?
What makes a person whole?
Is it fulfillment? Happiness? Soul?
Whatever the case, I am not whole.
Are you?
Are humans intelligent or ignorant?
I am both.
Which one are you?
Are humans kind or wicked?
I do not know which one I am.
Do you know?
Do humans get to choose who they are?
I have tried to mould myself as best I can, into the person I want to be
Have you?
Are you human?
I am, decidedly, not human.
I am that which I do not know of
I am that which I do not wish to discover
I hope never to know who I am.
Who are you?

Wanna drink in the park,
But the ******* mosquitos...
Eaten alive and I can't stand the heat
                        so
I turn down the bed
and I wait for December.
Shaking head
                   aching neck.
I'll thank you to remember
              I've always been one
              for walking in snow,
          ******* clenching this jaw
     while I'm chomping down crow--
--Don't wanna drink in the park
              'til it's really ******* cold.

And you...
          got no reasons to lie
          or axes for grinding.
           Just summery eyes,
          blind to punchlines
                  but finding
                      me out,

       With my rank Autumn breath,
                        I'll try...
       try to settle on Spring one time.

Are you
         dwelling today
                   on concepts
of verbal grenades or clever plays. Lost this bet.
           Cut off my sleeves, no ace.
Call me in the morning, or could play it safe.
     Summer's gold, but will you freeze
                        if I don't stay?

               I'll curse my sweating
                       shakes away.

Wanna sit in the dark,
hash it out with my ego...
Barely awake, I can no longer speak
                        so
I'm glued to my bed.
I can't wait for December.
Pounding skull,
                 crane my neck--
Try once more to remember
              I've always been one
               for sleeping alone,
          turning, tossing in sheets,
          spitting crow back at cold.
--Just wanna drink in the dark
           'til I'm really ******* old.


    Were there...
          really stories to tell?
     or just axes for grinding?
           Or summery eyes,
          sneering punchlines
                  frowns sliding
                    cleats first?    

    
        With brittle Winter hopes,
                        I'll try...
     try to settle on Spring--No dice.

And I'm
         dwelling today
                   on concepts
   of phantom pains and severance pay. Taking bets?
               I'm finna lose both legs.
Take two in the morning, stay awake all day.
     You stay gold. I guess I'll stay
                     the **** away.

i'm here
without goals/doubts/regrets
partly free from biases
partly free from prejudices

observing you
acting him/her/not you
what does your mind say?
what does your body say?

There's more to suicide than what we think it is.
It's not just unanswered questions,
sometimes, it's unasked ones.

How could I let myself fall for you.
For your sweet smile.
For your cold blue eyes
For your laugh.
That laugh that sounded like heaven.

How could I let myself fall for that sweet talk.
For the taste of your lips.
For the way you smelled like lavender and cigarettes.
For the way you gripped me when we hugged.
For the way your warm lips felt against my cold skin.

How could I let myself fall for you.
For your stupid jokes.
For your strangeness.

How could I be so blind.
I didn't see the real you.
I was blinded by your mask of purity.

You were a villain disguised as a hero.

You stole my heart and left me to bleed.
You watched as I cru m bl e d.
You didn't care...

Not about me at least.

How could I be so foolish to think you were the one.
My one.

How could I...

How could you.

How could you play me for the fool I am.
The fool I was.

How could we think we would last.
How could I.
How...

-RNL

Forget me not
   Forget me not
I’ve heard something whisper that into my heart.
              I have.       I    remember
promising to...        
But I don’t even know what address to send my apology  
Maybe I used to.
Maybe it was something I treasured.
A weathered forever now leftover wants to remember .
        Something

I can write another poem
However ink stained paper won't return you to me
I never understood why you couldn't love me until that night
I always knew that I was missing something you needed
Identifying what it was is what haunted me
From the very beginning I knew that I would never be enough
I was just bidding time
Your love was the most beautiful thing I ever felt I didn't want it effects to expire
Slowly dying becoming non-existent
However it seems such a thing was inevitable
I watched the gradual decay
Helpless I was but I knew my interference would only hasten the process
You grew distant and cold
To point I wondered did my existence even matter
For now I have the answer

Sitting, where winds cut through my face
No reactions
Where black and heavy rain drenches trees in mudgreen
Only alcohol
Where cups fill with tears and lungs with smoke
Can't breath
My minds in a diffrence place
Where? Between your arms
Only warmth
Where? Between your legs
Only pleasure
Where? Behind your lips
Only truth
Where were you
All the time
Where was your mind
We kissed
Where did you belong
Not there?
Where do I belong
If not here

Alone