Breathe in, breathe out
One, two, three—
It’s a necessity.
But I beg to disagree—
It’s a luxury.

The spin to my records, Scream

Makes it all easier

To face the music

Relentless trouble

And I drown it all out with noise

A choice between Hell and America

Heaven now too good for anyone

I perish between

The perfect and righteous

The flawed, Rip the hostages

I've trapped

In my mind

They are chained and scarred by my mistakes

That in the moment were choices opposed

To a dead end

My screams now level

Only an octave higher

From the massacre I've deserved

I've been targeted

After...

All the abuse and trauma I caused

How could I have known then?

My mind once creating scenarios on how

I'd sceme my way into getting what I craved

I, deprived of what was not needed

Just wanted it so bad

Those I've hurt

I'd never hurt again

If given all tools and resources to do such

I'd use them upon my soul

To dispose of reek planted by shame

You live and learn

And all my knowledge now

Is put on hold until

Their hurt

Mirrors mine

Resembling

Shattered plastic

Because I'm stubborn

And Glass too fragile

Reminds me of a relic reflection

seeing the fire in your eyes
Is as hypnotic
As watching lightning crack
Across the sky.
And the power of your smile
Could bring disco back in style.
The way you move your feet? Oof!
Girl, there's no way
I can stay in my seat.
So what's the problem?
You make me feel this way
And I don't even know your name

Standing by the gate to admire green grass view,
I saw a traveler passing by.
Not knowing where she came from,
Her question startled my heart.
Answering my doubt,
She handed me a wine jar.
Not looking at her departing back,
I smiled and took a gulp.
Today, I made a friend.

I don't want to keep being your maybe
I don't want to keep being your hypothetical
I don't want to keep being your shadowed fantasy
I don't want to keep being your naughty little secret
I don't want to keep being your ***** on the back burner
I don't want to keep being your inferior alternative
I don't want to keep being plan B

I want to be the girl, the one, you know what I mean

The laugh that keeps you craving more and more
The smile that makes a day full of rain feel like a sunflower garden
The touch that makes the pains of yesterday feel non existent
The snicker that reminds you of play time as a 6 year old
The sarcasm that keeps you on your toes
The soft voice that makes you think about how good of a partner I would be
The drive that makes you want to be a better man, better future husband, future father

Instead, I am the token of *** that makes you hard
Instead, I am the moan that distracts you from your problems you pretend to ignore
Instead, I am the breath of fresh air that reminds you how suffocated you have felt for years
Instead, I am the burden that you can't seem to ignore
Instead, I am the voice in the back of your head telling you that you need to make a decision and you hate me for that

I don't want to fall for you. But I think it's five months too late for those emotions