I never could
Yes I was hurt
But I'm not angry
And I'm not upset about it
I am just trying really hard
To grow as a person
And that's hard with any extra pressure

I understand why you're using your words
As ammo against me
Because it is a coping mechanism and
I'm sorry I couldn't handle it
Because I want to help
But right now I need to worry about me

I'm going through a lot of changes
Trying constantly to improve myself
Because I need to keep growing
And I've done so much in the past few months
More than I have in my entire life
My friends stopped worrying about me
One said she was always worried before
But now she can breathe easy because
I truly am changing

But I am not mad at you
At all
I hear you
I understand your pain
And I'm sorry I broke you again
I didn't mean to be that person
But I was
And I can't change that fact
I wish I could help you
But I don't think I can
It may seem selfish
But I really am helping myself right now
And anything else will hinder that progress

There's so much I want to do
So much I want to be
And I'm finally realizing that I have the power
To really make a difference for myself
And it's intense
But also amazing

I wish you nothing but
Love and everything good
Because you do deserve it
You are a good person
And your depression doesn't define you
Neither do your coping mechanisms

But I do not hate you
Because I know you're only human
And the only thing we all want
Is to be happy and not feel pain
That's how we're all connected
So I hope you find peace
And I hope you stay clean
Through the process of finding your truth
Because you are an amazing person
And I know you can pull through this

I woke early today
I finally opened my window
Pulled apart the curtains that hung so perfectly
Better than I ever could
Take a deep breath
And let some air in
I saw the light I've been craving
Since summer left
Me suffocating
By default
You became my stepping stone
To get me closer to the sun
Just sit back and watch me grow
No longer will I wilt under your overbearing knock off glow

intentionally
I must inflate my lungs with oxygen-
with my deep exhale
they shrink-
with my breath
my newly produced carbon dioxide flees-

life may bombard you with struggles
sometimes until you feel as if you might combust-
you must then
breathe in the good-
and
deeply exhale the bad-

-you're gonna be okay

I am the queen of my kingdom
the knight of my castle
the protector of my realm
and I will not let anyone
destroy what is mine
even my soul.

where you see a desert
i see an ocean
where you see a death
i see a happiness
where you see a life
i see an opportunity

but this isn't always the case, my friend
one day,
if i convince you of the good,
when i've convinced myself it isn't there
will you promise to see an ocean?
just for me?