Why are you hurting when we're talking about your future with him?*

Because this is all it will ever be, a conversation. There won't be follow-up steps or updates, nothing. It will all stop here. We'll just make plans but i won't ever be able tell him about these nor will he be able to make them happen.

This is all it will be ㅡsome hope to hold on to but it's too fragile to carry my heart. And it's better to be hurting now than to hope and be hurt more later.

plan a.
1. take each day one step at a time.
2. find a college and go there.
3. take each day one step at a time.
4. get a job and pay off your student debt.
5. live a life that you're afraid of.

plan b.
1. take up bicycling.
2. get a job and bicycle to it.
3. make money at the job.
4. save the money.
5. don't buy a car with the money.

plan c.
1. offer your services doing lawn care.
2. suffer all winter when you can't do lawn care.
3. take care of a lot of lawns in the spring.
4. make friends with lots of lawn owners.
5. use your connections to full advantage.

plan d.
1. sell your cd collection on ebay.
2. get a tattoo of a cassette tape.
3. invest in a pile of used vinyl.
4. work as a waitress.
5. save tips for concerts.

plan e.
1. hop on a greyhound bus.
2. go to whichever city the wind takes you.
3. take polaroid pictures of the city.
4. sell them to tourists.
5. starve to death.

plan f.
1. give up.
2. scrap that and try again.
3. because you're not a quitter.
4. and quitting at life.
5. was never an option.

plan g.
1. go to beauty school.
2. make people feel pretty.
3. go home and feel less ugly yourself.
4. donate money to charity.
5. hope that karma pays you back.

plan h.
1. pack up with your friends.
2. move to alaska.
3. work over the internet.
4. grow vegetables to offset the cost of hot tea and alcohol.
5. find something to love.

*(and just think how all of
these plans could be done in
one lifetime and how it takes
that many misses to find the hit
i'll give you a hint the thing you
have to learn to love is the one
thing that stayed with you
every step of the way.)

If destiny has a plan for us,* why make it a checker game?
There is a winner, but both sides lose pieces

If destiny has a plan for us, why add in others?
The recipe only calls for two

When destiny had a plan for us,
You threw away the script without a fuss

One night after the third bottle of wine
You told me we should pack our things
And leave before dawn
There would only be you and I
Between talks and soft-spoken kisses

Let us go to the seaside, I said
Have you ever seen those crashing waves?
They remind me of the days wasted away
And the promise of tomorrow's strength

But there are sharks and krakens!, you said
Underneath the deep blue of mystery
Make haste and he will come at you
And you will be nothing no more

Why do we not climb the mountains?, you asked
Surrounded by mist of white and blue
We are not kings and queens of the world
But merely creatures of His mercy

Something lurks between the trees!, I argued
Deadly eyes hungry for lost souls
They were once someone's lovers
And now they have succumbed into the dark

Another bottle of wine, poured and spent
Your eyes are the firewood amidst winter
Fingers trailing my cold pale arm
You have made up your mind for our journey

The beach it is!, you proclaimed to the world
When your eyes reached mine, I knew
For a second, that was no tipsy talk
Perhaps one day I will take you to the mountains

I know what you think, and that you think you  know what you see.
You know everything better than me.
You might be right, but I know that you’re wrong.
I feel the pull, but the pain is small
And all you have to say is: “You’ve changed” - and I hope you’re right
Now flowers are growing rampant in my mind.
Extending my horizon, making me realize that this life is beautiful
That this life is mine and mine alone
That eventhough I’m completely ordinary with crooked teeth and dull brown hair, I’m not hindred from doing  extraordinary things.
That’s what life’s really about.
I don’t need  future plans - which is great, because I have none -  but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what I want from life.
Call me liberal, if that means you allow me to live life the way I invision
See what’s beyond the flowerbed in my mind.
See the moon from South Africa, Brazil or maybe Tibet.
You should have known that I wouldn’t come back the same that I left
But all you say is: “You’ve changed”
All I can say is: “Good”

Pure, sparkling orbs
Tiny feet dancing in circles
And a smile which stretched from ear to ear
All of these childish traits disappear

The innocent orbs which had sparkled with delight
Dulled at the end of the night
And the feet which trailed from room to room
Drooped down from her bed in gloom
And her smile, oh, that dazzling smile
Hasn't been seen for quite a while

What has stolen this girl's sense of curiosity?  
What has made her mobility a tragic disability?  
And what has made her smile turn into a frown?
This girl's world has turned upside down!

But from what you may ask?
She won't tell you no matter how much you press her
In defense, she puts on a mask
Collapsing from the pressure
Of feeling like everyone is watching her              
Expecting her to fail
But she tells herself she will prevail
Despite the fact that she was hurt
From wandering hands
She knows that God has plans
For even the most tortured of souls

As yesterday came to an end
I thought I had some time to spend
Then i opened my plans
To see where I stand
I'm booked until April's month ends

Decrepid
I watch you spy their futures
Scooping dreams with sillky fingers
Far too frail to dig,
Fear not,
The sweat from my brow will bring us life.
Sustaining and sweet
Care not,
Though you can not see them.
The huming birds sing

The day we hoped to fix things
The day we would make it right.
The morning we would wake up
And teach the world to love the night.
Yesterday was not an enemy
And tomorrow was our friend.
We would build a world for everyone
And that world would never end.

Yesterday we woke up early
And got a jump start on the day.
We ran or jogged and exercised
And tried out life a different way.
We ate the food we thought healthy
And avoided those we called junk.
We chose to grab life with both hands
And drag it out of the bottom bunk.

Yesterday we started to insist
That people say what they mean
And talk with us about feelings
Not stuff from movie magazines.
We began to demand humanity
And ecologically-minded choices.
We took advantage of the strength
That could be had in our voices.

Yesterday we marched and yelled
To let our brothers and sisters be
Whatever they are and who they are
Without scorn and without penalty.
We joined our local groups and said
They needed to act accordingly
To the rights of every human being
And to implement total equality.

Yesterday we thought of tomorrow
And today we have to do the same.
Human rights and a peaceful planet
Must not be just a hopeful name.
Greed and lust will only prosper
If we back down when we are faced.
Freedom of choice and equal rights
A basic needs we can’t replace.