Recovery can

take a long time, like waiting --


for what is over.

𝙰 𝚋𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚝 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎
𝚂𝚎𝚎𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎
𝙰𝚗 𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚕𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚏𝚞𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎
𝙰 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚜𝚏𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎'𝚜 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚌𝚛𝚒𝚙𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗

𝙰 𝚠𝚊𝚕𝚔 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎'𝚜 𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚎
𝚅𝚒𝚋𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚜
𝙰 𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎𝚜
𝙰 𝚜𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚜𝚘𝚕𝚎𝚖𝚗 𝚙𝚛𝚊𝚢𝚎𝚛 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎𝚜

𝙰 𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚣𝚟𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝚏𝚘𝚛 "𝙹𝚊𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚜 𝚟𝚞"
𝙲𝚛𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚏𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚊𝚛 𝚖𝚘𝚘𝚍𝚜
𝙰 𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚊 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚝
𝚂𝚊𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚜𝚝

𝙶𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚏𝚞𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚠𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚊𝚜 𝚘𝚗𝚎
𝚆𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝚘𝚗
𝙲𝚑𝚘𝚘𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎'𝚜 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚡𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚎𝚜
𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚜.

Saturday, May 31, 2025
7:48 AM
Extra terrestrial mote in a sunbeam

curious particle thunk to death still
jiggling Brownianly, when adsorbed on my eye

“Three quarks for Muster Mork!”

Kworking out Complex Adaptive Systems.
In noumenon perceived, perhaps,
a whisp of wish we knew, perchance…
A noumenal flash,
and all the ever is, was,
at fundamental centrality
apparently expanding until

some initial torque inserts
curveball science allowing
bits to bang into bits and stick,
or carom off in predictable ways

like, as not, in theory.

Then, should one think onward still,

noumenal nominal notions
make letters let nonsense emanate
natural schemata muses index using

creative compulsion classically causing

an instant to cease.

I hate you
When you smiled, I smiled
I wanted you to be happy

I hate you
When you were successful, I cheered
I always believed in you

I hate you
When you're dressed up, I gasp 
I am taken by you yet again

I hate you
When you grew, I admired
I knew you were meant for more

I hate you
When you moved on, I stayed
I am always waiting for you

I hate you
When you faded away, I cried
I will only be a memory to you

I hate you
When you were in my life, I knew
I truly did love you 

I hate you
Despite everything, I begged 
That I could actually hate you

Letting go is just a way to cope,
With the truth that some things are just out of our control.
We can hope that things get better,
That it’s just some unpleasant weather,
But in the end, it’s best to just let it go.
No need to drown in “What ifs?”
A waste of mental resources.
Multitasking,
And balancing,
The grief,
While remembering,
What we had,
Seems like an eternity ago.
I’ll bury those times,
Beneath a tree,
And plant a rose.
In the end,
It feels freeing,
To just let it go.

2016
You're hurt.
You might not have registered it, but he hurt you.
Many more people will hurt you in the same way.
They will make you feel worthless and replaceable, but you will find friends who stay.

2017
For the first time
You’re mourning for someone you never got to know.
Your mother is hurting—
You feel everything but you won’t understand until till you’re older.

2018
You love him,
But not in the way you think you do.
It won’t stop you from writing letters and holding his hand.
You'll spend many nights humiliated by your actions
And the next six years running away.

2019
You’ll understand sacrifice before you understand suicide,
And realise that everyone becomes orphans
And feel guilt for not paying rent to your parents.
You are not a burden.

2020
You feel trapped and scared
Feeling your fear rise along with the numbers.
But the storm will pass and it will be nothing but a common flu.

2022
For the first 6 months you’ll say your goodbyes
Then you’ll start public school in the middle of the year
You’ll learn profanities you had previously been sheltered from
Papers will pile on your shoulders and you will scream and sob as your soul is shredded over and over again.
You will learn of self harm. You will learn of insomnia.

2023
You will finally be able to name classmates
And race against the boys in PE. You will become class monitor.
You will have demons who shriek lies but also friends who will cover your ears to protect you.
You will wake up everyday with the knowledge that the death of your class is coming.
You telling stories, and stopped writing them too
You will finally talk to him about your mistakes 6 years ago, and leave the scout group in his hands

2024
You will watch as the group chat falls apart.
With you tearing yourself to try and keep the rotting bonds together.
You will tear your throat open screaming, because no one understand why at it's like to feel everything through the screen.
You will try to replace them with your new class, only to be let down again and again.
You will start to write all the hurt in rhymes, spilling your blood over the paper.
You will finally understand suicide, and why people want to die
You will also realise that a friend tried to jump two years ago, and you knew nothing about it.
You will find a find a friend willing to be the harmony to your melody, even if both of you tend to miscommunicate

2025
You've will meet will want to leave school, but also want to stay
You've will meet wonderful people on this website
Listen to their stories; cry for them, fear for them, pray for them
Want to know them better but still be too scared to do so
You will be insecure and distance yourself from friends.
You'll be scared to hurt them.
You’ll hold back because you feel like you’re too much. Don’t go silent.
But the year isn't over yet, so you've got time