catastrophe
                      and misery
a pure soul shrouded in secrecy mystery
more unexplored than vast cosmic voids
half a lover
                     half a paranoid

My soul just spontaneously combusted

sometimes i feel alive
but ready to born again
some days i look for peace
in someone better than me
and i think its fine
to let things go down
unless my patience blows
and i cant get a refund

in nirvanas utero i walk around
i lose my mind while searching
wondering if its not too late because

everything i seem to do
just drives me through the ******* roof
my hand around your throat is the only thought
that can make it through everything i did to you
first person i opened to
but in the end of it all there is no doubt i care and love you

i am so tired
of breaking my own heart
over misconstrued manipulations
of the english language.

— a paranoid poet

[Part the First]

There's some giddy, childish sensation
The hope of a new generation

Faceless cameras war for my voice
A flashing ocean of stomps and shoves
Taken from me is my choice
Given is a false sense of love
They smile too wide to be true
Contorted and stretched, like some plastic
But they're all I have before the blue
So deep breaths, and then come dramatics

People who pass me by
Don't seem to realise
The emptiness of the sky
When they look into my eyes

They ask:
Is it lonely up in space?
Is it a cold, abandoned place?
Is it bright amongst the stars?
Do you know who you really are?

[Part the Second]

My life has faded to drunken thoughts
Reality doesn't confirm what can't be bought

The multicoloured psychedelia
Of nebula turning to rainbows
Now looks more fake than ever
And so my sanity goes
There's a beast out there, lurking
I'm not sure if it wants me
But my hope is hiding, sulking
From the abyss that can hear and see

The worst way to die is alone
Where there's no one who can help me
As my punishment destroys my home
At least, from my memory

They screech:
It's so lonely up in space
It's a cold, abandoned place
It's too bright amongst the stars
I think I'm dreaming too far

[Part the Third]

The faintest echo of laughter
Presents itself as my only answer

It's distant, like someone drowning in ecstasy
But it rings from the walls to my ears
The effect of the starry-eyed seas
Has mutated into whimpering fears
I know I'm not amongst the stars anymore
But the damage cannot be undone
So I gave myself to the floor
I could lie here, and never see the sun

Space could've never actually existed
Just a vivid fantasy of escape
But my mind has been so twisted
It must've been the cruelty of fate

They wonder:
Was it lonely up in space?
Was it a cold, abandoned place?
Will the stars ever forgive?
Do I still have a life to live?

I don’t want to have this conversation
I don’t want to feel this pain
I don’t want to think about it
But I do, all the same

It's floating near the surface
Always just within my reach
And I’m slipping—nearly drowning
'Cause I’ll probably never breach

I let it consume me
Every single time
Because, as you have shown me,
I have a past where it wasn’t all in my mind

You don’t know my mind,
My thoughts, my reasoning
Behind my actions.
What to you may seem selfish
Or simply eccentric,
Is what I need to do
To function, to continue
Breathing without hyperventilating,
Completely breaking down.
So please be patient.
You don’t know what I’m going through.

Little bird upon the windowsill
how peaceful you so look.
When tomorrow, or even next week,
you could hit glass , and go kerplook!
I wish I could live like you.
without thinking of the end  -

A void - an endless sleep
you don't think of that do you?
Not you, not the squirrel, or the
chipmunk across the street.

This sleep, like the one you had before,
when you were a little egg,
will meet you once again,
just wait what's in store.

You probably don't even think about it...

But why do I think of it
when I look at you?