i can’t handle
public shaming
it’s my weakness
my paranoia
justified

i felt hot all over
my eyes filled with tears
and i tried
not to cry
as 40 people stared

someone i admire
hurt me
made fun of me
in front of people
i like
and i couldn’t
handle it
i’m too weak
to handle it

so
when class was over
i walked out
and cried

Sober again,
Sombre again,
paranoia creeps out
the closet again

little bit of panic,
little bit of Popov
lose a little pride
but control yourself

take hold, yourself
never let your thoughts wander
or you lose yourself;

don’t lose yourself

she likes to draw on her body like a permanent tattoo.
but she has to feel the pain for it result

it is not a drug,
but she finds it addictive

she knows that it needs to be stopped,
but she needs something to calm her down,
especially to calm her mind down.

;

/2.30am/
she was shaking on the last couple nights.
she can barely sleep.
her head was hurt.
her heart was beating faster than ever.

she covered her face with a pillow,
and screamed as loud as she could, in silence

;

line by line she draws
hurtfully satisfying
then she decides to draw a line on her waist
a long strong one as a reminder of selfishness.

And I saw them
From my front porch
and I saw them
from my yard
and I saw them
by the millions
they are coming down here
where we are
And they'll call in
the entire millitary
It'll baffel
the machine
I will question
the authorities
and maybe break some rules
I have profound
compound evidence
that we're all living
in a dream
like some kind of complex system
to divide infinity