Bathing in my own hair,
Basking in my own filth,
Remembering, painstakingly,
The roads that I’ve built.
Was that glance purely friendly?
Or was it a mask of contempt?
Memories, haunting me,
As I uncover the truth.

Bathing in my own hair,
Caressing me, tormenting me,
Reminding me of all I’ve lost,
As it flies into the air.
The water flows in and out,
My mood goes up and down.
Life’s rollercoaster is sickening,
My motion sickness, my undoing.
Entangled in the fibers,
Surrounded by liars,
That claimed to be my friend.
Isolationism,
Personal despotism,
All due to a bitter end.

Bathing in my own hair,
My failures cascading.
Basking in my self-worth,
Esteem breaking.
If I lost what little I had,
Perhaps, I’m just not meant to hold,
Friendship in my grasp.
From my experience, it doesn’t last.
The waters ripple,
My tears crippling me.
I wonder, would I have been happier,
If we were never to meet?

Bathing in my own hair,
Tying my wrists to my chest.
Vulnerable as my demons,
Take me to their lair.
They beat me, chastise me,
Critique me and torment me,
Till I’m nothing more than when my friends left me.
Isolationism,
Personal despotism.

Bathing in my own hair,
Watching my pain float around me,
It encircles me, constantly reminding me of my plight.
Is it being too cowardly,
To block myself from the light.
A hermit out on his own;
A lonely monarch who sits on his throne;
A beggar searching for a home;
All of these end up alone.

Bathing in my own hair,
Bound and gagged by my bleeding heart.
I thought I had found my place,
Now I’m stranded back at the start.
Far too late—to reach out now,
Everyone’s floating on their own, separate clouds,
While I remain on the ground,
Contemplating the pain I’ve found.
Yet, bitterly and ironically,
I crave the memories,
Because they remind me,
Of a time when I was happy.
I wash my body in the filth,
Recalling the euphoria.

Bathing in my own hair,
Scrubbing the fabric across my skin.
It burns, the soap is just like acid.
Maybe I don’t wish to be clean,
But to be seen,
And not abandoned repeatedly.

Baby, you're my everything
If you'll be my everything
I'll be your ghost
I'll be your pain
I'll be your shelter from the rain
And when you're lost I'll be your guide
I'll be a place where you can hide
The world can be such a painful place
But if you give me the gift of life,
I'll give you the gift of grace

I flicked your rhoids
Hems and all

Painful much?

And they bled like a stuck pig.

Now, now, now...
Once a month you will know how
women feel.

Why must I be within your heart
This hurts as I wanted to leave,
When with eternity you grow,
And every fare declines way.

This could mean I shall stay,
But for whom,
Just for you.

Nobody knows it's empty,
The smile that I wear.
The real one is left behind in the past
Because I left you there...

Nobody knows I am crying.
They won't even see my tears.
When they think I am laughing,
I wish you were here...

Nobody knows it's painful.
They think that I am strong.
They say it won't **** me,
But I wonder if they are wrong...

Nobody knows I miss you.
They think I am all set free,
But I feel like I am bound with chains,
Trapped in the mystery...

Nobody knows I need you.
They think I can do it on my own,
But they don't know I am crying
When I am all alone...

A woman, who’s really tired,
Hasn’t even go to bed.
It’s past midnight and all over again.
Her bed’s still fully made.

A woman, who’s really tired,
Forgot what sleep is.
She spent herself but stably accepted
Her Destiny’s painful decrees.

A woman, who’s really tired,
Wants simply and plainly to be.
She stopped laughing long ago.
She rarer wants to speak.

A woman, who’s really tired
Of blaming herself for breathe,
A woman, who’s still feeling,
Has simply the right to live!

I was there all the time, while you were gone
One day you were there, the next day, gone
Everything was going good
So I never understood what went wrong
I never understood what I did so wrong
Because one day you were there
And the next day; bright, and early, gone
I never understood how another girl
Became your "number one"
Things started to turn south
When I noticed you were gone more
You'd make sure you were always quiet
When you managed to make your way home
And came through the door
Quiet as can be, so you didn't wake me up
Because you didn't want me to know
That you were actually out after work
With some girl who had a baby
Which made you look like a creep
How could you hit me below the belt, so deep?
You went and wandered the streets
Looking for someone else to satisfy
You and your petty selfish needs
You were playing house with someone else
Giving someone else the attention I was supposed to get
Not even caring to ask how I even felt
You hit me in the face one, slapped rather
That was a one time thing, not a big deal or matter
Because you hit me in front of my mother
And she told you point blank
"If you're going to hit my daughter;
You need to take a breath and really think"
And then I chimed in with;
"It's okay because if he ever tries or does it again;
I'll go to jail for breaking his **** hand."
The audacity this fool think he had
Cheated on me because I can't have kids
And he apparently wanted to be a dad
All you had to do was say something to me
That's something I would have come to understand
But instead you became unfaithful and left me sad
I really had feelings for you because I became obsessed
Starting going to work with you
And sitting in your vehicle for 8-12 hours like I was possessed
You drove me so crazy I didn't know what else to do
Then one day it all became clear
I wasn't needed anymore here
So I left, and never looked back.

Stephanie A. Ludwig
04/25/2025