Oh my dark pain,
Won’t you let any cracks to beam?
You deprived free will from my happiness —
Now they wander like fugitives
In their own hometown.

Tiny crumbles of faith
Fear to cluster
Because of you.

Leave some seats for the light.
I’m shivering like a candle’s tiny flare
Alone in the night.

Tell the thunders to call a ceasefire,
Let the clouds calm down.
Don’t blow so hard—
Just breathe,
Stoke my fire up.

Face the truth:
This war
Will never end.

Writing my life away-
Like a play-
That won't stay-
Although it may-
Feel like that for now
I know deep down,
I'll be okay

i want to be numb
to all the misery
i want to be numb
to your hypocrisy
i want to be numb
to all the pain
i want to be numb
to the falling rain
i want to be numb
to all your lies
i want to be numb
to the blue skies
i want to be numb
to the whole world
i want to be numb
to the beautiful girl
i want to be numb
to your evil ways
i want to be numb
every moment of today
i want to be numb
to my heart you threw
i want to be numb
especially to you

I met this woman recently
She's beautiful, kind and lovely;
She goes with a light on her face,
Yes she goes glimmering
Enough to keep me shivering.
Oh yes, she makes my heart race.

They say she'll break my heart
To look for someone else,
But I want to keep on this lark
I say she's not like the rest,
They say she's not like the rest.
So we are on the same page.

Then why the need to stop me?
Don't they see me happy?

I talked to her the other day
Indeed, not like the rest,
She's careless, rough around the edge
She doesn't understand me.
She cares not for me,
The same way I care for her.

They say she fools around other men
She gets them high with her charm.
Then when they are at her mercy
She leaves them stranded as I.
Alone and forsaken, broken
Broken, just as she left me, broken.

Now, I can't sleep, I can't dance
I can't enjoy wine or a good serenade.
I'm alone now, I can't my friends stand,
I pushed them away,
For a good-for-nothing love
Not even long, it lasted a week.

So what to do now?
I now lay with such heaviness,
I've got no will to change
I've got no will to trying again.
My heart's been plucked
I am now motionless.

You gave me a boat—
A boat made of paper.
You painted it blue,
I preferred green.
You poor soul, couldn’t have known

Oh, You gave me a boat—
I said it was perfect,
And I knew it was paper,
Yes, I swear I did.

But I put it in the water,
Even quickly named it June,
A quiet way to remember
The day you forgot soon

And I knew it was melting—
And I know you did too

But god gave me a heart
Gave you one too
Though yours is for beating
And mine is to feel


Still—
I went in the boat,
Oh, I didn’t want fighting.
A few feet later,
I felt the water flow.

I swam to the shore,
And yes, I saw you laughing—
But still, I swam to you,

For I could not call for help
Help from the warm murky water
No I will not anger you.
And I didn’t choose to drown,
For I cannot bear it.

Bear to see you suffer,
Like I would have for you.
Though you do not deserve it,
And not for forever— I hope
I swim back to you

I am the words they carved
Into my skin,
The amalgamate
Of everything I’ve sinned.

My hands light fire to all that
I can touch,
Burning for a day
Before it turns to dust,

It turns to dust.

“Fight fire with fire,” they spit,
Doesn’t make it not
Burn like acid.

Rain pours down
Onto my skin,
And sure enough, it
Hurts like acid,

Like
Acid.

Didn’t mean a single word that they said,
Doesn’t mean
You didn’t mean
For it to happen

My arms are made of wood,
And yours are steel.
Just because you’re in pain
Doesn’t mean others can’t
Feel,

Everyone still feels.

Everything still
Feels.

“Fight fire with fire,” they spit,
Doesn’t make it not
Burn like acid.

Rain pours down
Onto my skin,
But it doesn’t make it not
Burn

Like

Acid.

I keep watering a dead grave, hoping something will grow.
Nothing ever does.
And still, I keep trying.
I keep trying, day and night.
Weeks on end.

Because deep down,
I know that if I stop,
Someone else will water the grave.
And something will grow.

Maybe flowers will bloom.
Maybe weeds will sprout.
It could be something wild, untamed.
Something exciting.
Something that grows without needing to be loved.

But it won’t be from me.
It wasn’t my love that helped the grave grow.
It wasn’t mine.
And that kills me.

I wonder to myself.
Why won’t the grave give me something exciting?
Why won’t it grow beautiful plants for me?

Why do all my efforts of trying to make something memorable always go unnoticed?

Maybe I’m not watering a grave anymore.
Maybe I’m burying myself.
And maybe I won’t ever get out.

I know it’s time to let go.
But I can’t.

So instead,
I wait everyday.
Hoping.
Believing something will grow.

Built for the Fire (more than ever)

I could stay numb.
I know how.
I’ve done it—
sat in the quiet aftermath,
let the weight of loss press me still.

It’s safe there,
in the ache that asks nothing.
No risk,
no rejection,
no reminders of what we once had.

But I wasn’t built for numb.

I was built for heat,
for tongue and lip against skin,
for tangled sheets and laughter
that opens something holy inside.
For conversation that strips the armor
and hands that say
you’re not alone here.

So no—
I won’t shrink.
I won’t hide behind the ruin.

I want love again.
Not the edited kind—
not filtered, polite, or halfway.
I want the messy, honest kind,
the kind that sees me, stays, and builds.

I want closeness that burns with truth,
touch that doesn’t just touch skin,
but says something deeper,
says you matter. You’re real. I’m here.

I want to risk it all again—
not because I forget the pain,
but because I remember the feeling.
What it’s like to be alive in someone’s arms.
What it’s like to look across the room
and know: this moment, right now, is everything.

Yes, I’ve been hurt.
Yes, the loss nearly wrecked me.
But I refuse to stay frozen.

It’s human to want love.
To crave the sacred electricity
of closeness, of presence,
of hands and lips and hearts saying
let’s try again.

So if I love again—
and I will—
it will be fully,
boldly,
fiercely.

Because even after all I’ve seen,
I still believe:
there’s nothing braver
than choosing love
when you know exactly
what it can cost—
and you do it anyway.

© 2025 Shawn Oen. All rights reserved