Fingernails tapping
Teeth biting my cheeks
A pressure on my chest
Eyes darting around the room
I should probably breathe

At this point I can’t quite remember
The last time my mind was at ease.

Sleepless, the day sighs

Night dreams of sleep

Open eyed

Burn me alive,
End it all now,

I’m tired of the world,
I want to crawl back into my shell,

Of ignorance and bliss,
Before feeling overcame everything,
And my mind could manage and stall,

The unending dread,
The unending pain,
That recycles through my body,
And mental membrane,

Temporary relief,
Doesn’t last long,
Seeping into my bones,
Polluting my core,

Essence,
Lack of presence,
Take me away,
Bury me down low,

Erase me from existence,
Free from my soul.

Thoughts and feelings,
Fighting so hard amongst each other for my attention,
Feelings and thoughts,
Bouncing endlessly through my body lusting for my affection,

My thoughts combust,
And join the fray,
Spreading like wildfire,
Leaving me in haze.

Agonizing existence,
Overwhelmed and annoyed,
By the ridiculous amount of choices,
And how little I grow,

Everything and anything,
That is how I feel,
Yet,
Nothing reigns more joyously,
Than my fear.

On the outside

I can't breathe
Give me air
Please

I look fine

I can't feel
My fingers are frozen
Please

But I'm not

I can't see
My retinas burn
Please

Set me free

Change:
I hate this anxious feeling just before a change,
Hate to have this feeling when I feel overwhelmed and everything becomes hard to manage,
Heart beat runs faster than train,
this makes me feel so drain,
Man! Why it doesn't have a stop
just like a train?
It makes me feel dizzy,
when I try to control,
Makes me wonder
from where It comes,
all of sudden,
I lost in its thunder,
And it does rain,
When it makes me completely lose my brain.
Hate to have this feeling just before a change.

When the world gets too loud
for you to hear your own thoughts,
  turn it off.

When the violence grows
and the fear bubbles over,
  turn it off.

When the pain of a nation
weighs too heavy on your heart,
  turn it off.

When you have no other option
but to board up your windows,
  turn it off.

When your heart starts to race
at the thought of tomorrow,
  turn it off.

When the words in the air
grow to heavy to bear,
  turn it off.

When your dreams are overtaken
by death and despair,
  turn it off.

When it's too hard to find beauty
in this world anymore,
  turn it off.

When you have no more strength
to hold up your head,
  turn it off.


Closing out the heaviness of the world is not cowardice or ignorance, sometimes it just necessary. Don't judge others or feel fear about giving yourself time.



-t.s.