is it worse to cry
until your eye
bags sit above the cheekbone,
your sleeves are soaked
with salt,
and you feel an overwhelming sense of
everything all at once, left finally with
aggressive emptiness

or to sit alone in the dark
with a full head
tissues in hand
knot in the gut
broken chest bone
waiting for the tears to come,
but they don't?

why,

why does life come in waves?

it’s either the white sea foam,

salty, bubbles, calm

or

the tsunami,

flooding, crashing, drowning.

~

If there were a fairy land
To which I could run
With nothing to see or do
I'd bask under the sun.

Why does this monster named Life
Push us to hate it so?
I'd rather leave and walk away
Than pretend it makes me grow.

Things pile up
They weight on you
You finish something to only find there's another

Why should I follow my responsibilities
Aren't they supposed to be for me?
And shouldn't I be happy?

But I guess work
Is the only way to keep asking yourself questions
And truly think for oneself

But right now

I want to go to sleep and not wake up

why do i feel so sad?
nothing happened
least not really
but i am wrong
i am always wrong

that is what
they said

I believed them

I have so much to do
yet so little time
not a penny to spend
but there's so much I need to buy
not a dollar in my pocket
and my gas light's on
I need more money
but I work, a minimum wage job
I'm behind in my online class
and can't seem to get it done
I told my mom I've submitted more assignments
when I've only half-completed some
I just failed government
a course I'm required to pass
I might not get to graduate
when all I want to do, is leave high school in the past
I just want to be happy
but lately, even breathing is hard
I need a drink and joint
and I'm still too young for the bar
the stress is like cancer
slowly taking my life away
these days, I don't even sleep
because the anxiety keeps me awake