im thinking too much
again.
why won't you say anything?
all i said was --
"i miss you"
is that too much?
am i too much?
am i not enough?
should i love you?
it's only been a week..
i can make myself --
if it makes you happy.
am i texting too often?
did i send the wrong emojis?
was i not funny enough today?
not talkative enough?

****.
im thinking too much..
again.

What would you have to lose
If you chose to run away?
Cause that's what I've been wondering
When my nightmares keep me awake.

Would your thoughts race for hours
With the memories of our secret place,
If you could forsee my disappearance
If you knew that we would change?

Perhaps this feeling is not justified
Because I'm over-analyzing things,
When I'm aiming for an equilibrium
In the friendships that I make.

Cause when I consider endless factors
That I cannot control and have to face,
I realize perfection is not possible
For a human to attain.

i don’t just crave validation,
i need it.
i need it like some people need a drink in their hands,
i need it like it’s the cigarette between my lips.

it’s the air in my lungs,
my food and my drink.
it’s not just music to my ears—
it’s the only sound i hear.

i know i’m not your favorite,
not really.
but you told me i was,
three months ago.
and i wrote that in my journal.
i etched that in my heart.

i hold up my poems,
these nonsense words i call art,
and i need a compliment,
i need a hug.
so that i know i’m not just some girl,
the girl you whisper about when she’s not there.
so that i know
there’s a reason i give and give.

so that i know i’m someone’s favorite.

I beg for understanding
   But I can't even figure out myself

I crave recognition
   But do nothing worthy

I'm desperate to be seen
        But my own vision is clouded

I wish I lacked empathy.
I don’t want to feel.
I don’t want to see signs.
I don’t want to be real.

One minute, I’m fine—
then my soul explodes in my chest.
I wish I didn’t see that.
But I did. And now, no rest.

I wish I could shrug,
say “that’s not my concern,”
but every flicker of pain
Causes my stomach to hurt.

I notice the silence,
the shift in your tone—
there's nothing in your voice
It's all I think about alone.

This is why I'm standoffish and stick to just me
There's no ache in loneliness
At least not the kind that stings

Maybe I'll make friends but that feels like betrayal
These self imposed rules- a safe fortress failure

I wish I didn’t feel
At least not to this extent
My day was going so good
But I ruined it again

I am a bit unlucky
Yes, not always can everybody be lucky
But misfortune has befallen me many a time
My marriage was a ball of slime
I have lost a few friends
Though my behaviour towards them was almost blameless
Many a time, I get credit not
Even if my work is nearly perfect
Due to my Asperger's Syndrome
I do not feel at home
During many a social interaction
Really, do I do my best, to make a good conversation
However, mistakes are inevitable
Because, perfection is impossible
My ignorance is not my fault
It is God's fault
Definitely, do I need some compensation
For each and every misfortune of mine
Struggling am I, to find love
Though there is a lot, that I can give
Being a divorced male is a big curse
In a society that has a huge bias
Against anyone who is "different"
However, I will fight
To overcome all my insecurities
And drive away all my demons
But I certainly need some luck
Otherwise, life will remain dark
Yes, I am a bit unlucky for sure
However, I will try my best to ensure
That this does not remain the case
Wrong, will I prove all my doubters
Rise will I, against all odds
For now, am I overthinking
But soon, will I be planning
To rise from the ashes, like a true phoenix
Yes, not at all easy, is achieving success
However, as mentioned earlier
I am a fighter
And soon, will the fight begin
For now though, I am alone
Again, I am a bit unlucky
But soon, will I be lucky!