each one of my days
has a number
the numbers have been passing

at age 19, I knew this:
in order to live,
you must be conscious of the numbers

you must be awake,
life must be in your brain
veins are not good enough

every moment,
the numbers increase
and I start to see colors more

The roaches on my doorstep
They show nights of neglect
Follow me to darkness for I’ve not yet wept
Sweep me under doormats and follow path
The untimely death was apart of the wrath
Breaching the veil I’ve not yet pushed through
Legs start to quiver at those thoughts of you
Will I be met by the moon
Or shall she lay dormant
Whispering to stars of my utter torment
Clawing at life she has found her strife
Not until mourning will I be cut by son’s knife
Whisked away the smokes of today
Unable to lay safely in the bed I have made
Clothed in mindfulness
I shriek at joy
Just another game; and I am the toy

10.
I’m sorry that it’s taken me this long to
immortalize you in writing-
To put you in a place for the world to see and
for me to always find you.
9.
I’m sorry that upon learning that
I could ask for help from you,
I made it a pattern
and climbed you like a trellis for my personal growth
8.
I’m sorry that every time we sat down to have a
meal together, it felt like I never
got the recipe right:
Always missing a little color, a little spice.
7.
I’m sorry that I used my 'passenger break' so much
Not only when I thought you were going to
crash into the car in front of us,
but whenever I felt like we were getting to close to each other.
6.
I’m sorry that I’m jealous of the girls across the room.
Please try to understand that I spent months, no, years
telling myself that I couldn’t be, would never be, worth “it”.
Whatever “it” may be.
5.
I’m sorry that I tried to give you advice,
that I tried to weave pieces of my own story
into yours, when you clearly aren’t finished working on it.
Feel free to unknot those memories and take them out.
4.
I’m sorry that I never made it a point
to tell you how much I loved your skin.
To this day I find myself falling asleep with my forearm to my mouth
because I miss feeling your warmth on my lips
3.
I’m sorry that I can’t let go;
That seeing you succeed and do so well
tears me right down the middle
where my stretch marks have always been.
2.
I’m sorry that I have a hard time trusting you
when you tell me that I’m still important to you,
and that this isn’t the end of our story.
We’re both going to change and you know it.
1.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t make you believe
in us enough to make it work.
I trust that this is for the best.
But I should still tell you, I’m sorry for everything.

Don't expect too much from me

'cause my days are numbered

'cause my lights are limited


In the end

You' ll gonna throw me


broken

©IGMS

I made him leave because sleeping next to someone that smells differently than you would be a nightmare in itself.
2. I'm more lonely every second you ignore me than I was every year I spent alone
3. I don't know which is worse, the death I've felt since you left or the death I wish I had before you had the chance to leave.
4. How am I supposed to move forward with my life when my future was supposed to be with you?
5. An hour shouldn't feel like a galaxy away.
6. I watched it eat away every beautiful piece of you.
7. You were a volcano and after your irruption I don't know where to begin rebuilding my city.

Time dons His thief's mask.
While we count days and hours,
He steals my stopwatch.