You deserve more than a 2 am message, but it's all that I can muster right now.
I am drunk and scrolled through Facebook only to stumble upon a picture of you and the woman you now care about.
Believe me when I say that I want the best for you.
I mean this. Every word.
I want you to be happy.
I also mean this.
I want you to have people in your life that can love you to the fullest extent.
But I also wish you could feel the calcifications that have built up around my heart since we broke up. I have become more solid, harder to crack but easier to hurt.
I saw the picture of her. She’s stunning, and I know she means more to you than you’re letting on right now. And that’s okay.
She is also a direct reflection of me. Brown eyes, brown hair, with a brain that finds you so beautiful that she’ll spend hours just studying the curvature of your lips.
You deserve so many things, you deserve happiness, you deserve unconditional love, you deserve someone who understands all of the nuances of your growth and change, and I hope that she does that for you. I know you hate that word, but it’s the truth.
I still don’t understand why you don’t like the word ‘deserve’. I’ll just chalk it up to your hipster ******* poetry.
I will not see you when you come back to town, and you won’t see me (please don’t try to persuade me otherwise).
Showing up would mean going to a knife fight empty handed. It would be my slow and painful destruction.
Take full advantage of the time you have in Boston. See all of the people that mean a lot to you, deepen your connections, and build your roots, but they can’t include me. I need to build my own roots.
For too long my thoughts and plans have been entangled in yours, long past when they should have been. This isn’t your fault and I should have worked to untie those knots faster.
Live your life. Enjoy Morocco. Take in all of the experiences you can.
But part of me does hope you get food poisoning at one point.
I know that you will accomplish so much, and I’m so proud of everything that you’ve already done. Your heart is so solid and so full of love and gratitude and I know it will serve you well.
I wish this was a lie. You are clumsy but still have so much to learn. It is also near impossible not to notice how far you've come.
This is one of the hardest things I have ever done, but if you care about me at all, you will give me this space
Last resort. I have done everything short of moving halfway across the country to get over you, but the hard thing about trying to ‘make it work’ after a break up is that I am still there to witness all of your triumphs, regardless of geography.
I am trying really hard to be strong and take a step in the direction that is right for me.
Take care of Edith.
(Please don’t almost **** our plant this time)
But most importantly take care of yourself.
Regardless of what happens with you and the girl in the photo.
You have so much to offer the world.
And I hope your world is someone who gives you just as much in return.
Please don’t forget that.
Please don’t forget me.