“Sorry isn’t enough.”

I know.
But it’s all I have.

Maybe it is better to stay silent
Than to give an apology
That isn’t enough.

I make things harder than it needs to be.
Its like I enjoy the melancholic feeling every time I think of you
but I don't,
truth is,
I did this to myself,
I was the one who lit up the matches and watched them burn to the end;
flame touching my fingers,
the ever so burning sensation I get when I'm reminded that my own self sabotage let you go.
Its not enough though,
to go back to you.
Trust me when I say that the thing in life I wish I had the most right now would be you,
your hand in mine
but the feeling I get when you hand actually touches mine, the slightest bit, isn't what I expected.
I made it like this
I ruined such a perfectly good thing, and there's no way I'm getting it back.

It feels like forever when I don't see you.
When I don't see the smile you bring and the endless waves that remain around you through thick and thin.
Your hand feels warm in mine and I try to make something out of it,
but it takes a while
and it takes a lifetime before the words that were left unsaid actually leave my mouth;
for the first time, I don't trust what I'm saying.
It's all nonsense like the way I thought we were,
and nonsense like the thing we are right now
But I realize
we.
are.
nothing.
as in we are nothing together,
but everything apart,
and the everything won't make it to the endless waves because what.
we.
were.
ended.
I guess your endless waves didn't match up with the end of my tide
and just like that you became and I didn't and
I'm still trying to comprehend the endlessness that you left and the nothing I have.
When I see you it's like the smile that was on you first comes to me through thick and thin
and the force of the waves isn't enough to push me into the nothing I have and make something with the things I still haven't said
And when your hand touches mine for the first time since you became endless, I smile with the things I have yet to say and the nothingness that I have
and I miss it
but, how can I miss something that was nothing ?

You aren't enough
You can see that
Every time you look in the mirror
Your reflection stares back
Pointing out
Every
Single
Flaw
There's so many
You talk too loud
You speak too much
And you always say the wrong thing
You aren't pretty
You aren't smart
Your grades show that clearly
You're definitely not popular
The way you search for a table at lunch
And no matter what anyone says
You aren't enough

i want you to get tired
tired enough to leave me
so that i'll know
that all the people
in my life
left for a reason
that way i'll understand
how i became like this
so lonely
so broken
so afraid of love and trust
as if it'll burn me
and maybe
you'll prove me right
that i was never enough
to make people stay.

but still i hope,
you'd be the one
to prove me wrong.

If my words could buy,
Someone like you,
I would deeply chew,
Over words to write more often,

If the words, I speak,
Were the ones you were fond of,
Then all of the words I pick,
Would hover around your beauty,
Like the bees flooding the garden,
With their 'hummmmms'

But, to my dismay
To you, my words are wierd
To you, my speech is a low gust
That couldn't influence your flowers into moving

That is why I write so less about you,
For my poetry, that I so dearly caress,
Might not be so poetic, for you to embrace