So here I go as
I put my pen to paper
and see where I go

6:29 PM
9/7/19

Last night while teaching my niece
I told her "She is not paying
Attention", she said "she is",

and that she just paid it fifteen
Naira. By jove! the serious look on her
cute face while saying this had me laughing.

children given birth to these days are
as smart as a beautiful smartphone
and she only 3, last December

she drinks peach flavoured ice-tea but it doesn’t quench her thirst
she’s taking off her jacket and she’s warm
maybe it’s because her heart will burst
from all the love she carries inside it
her nails are painted against her will
I cut the split ends of her hair while I give her a pill
she lets me know the sound of me breathing brings calm to her mind
if that’s the case I’ll keep my breaths refined

we stole that shirt together
she says it’s okay for they’re corrupt
and that’s why we’re allowed to disrupt
we take the train with an unknown destination
she may rest her head against the window
just the sight brings me inspiration

we’ll destroy our town with propaganda
we say the police are cruel and dumb
she's disguised as sweeter than cherry plum
one day we’ll travel far and wide
soon enough we’ll be running away
I love her more for every day

Ingrediënts:
150g plain flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon caster sugar
225ml milk
1 egg
1 **** of butter, melted
butter or oil for frying

Method:
1. Sift together the flour, salt, baking powder and sugar. Make a well in the centre. Pour in the milk, then add the egg and melted butter. Beat well till the pancake batter is smooth.
2. Heat a frying pan over medium heat. Lightly grease with butter or vegetable oil. To test to see if the pan is hot enough, flick a bit of water on the pan. If it sizzles, it is ready. Ladle the pancake batter into the pan.
3. Cook each pancake till bubbles appear on the surface and the edges have gone slightly dry. Flip each pancake and cook for a minute or two on the reverse side, till golden brown
4. Serve hot with your favourite toppings, such as maple syrup and fresh berries.

Stop reading this and eat!!!

question: why didn't you turn your work in?
                 answer: being alive and having to function as a human being day after day is an exhausting and unsustainable exercise that i don't know if i can continue forever.
                 answer: i get so depressed that i can't move, can't do anything but wallow in my own revolting, pathetic self-pity.
                 answer: there are messages on my phone, friends trying to reach me, wanting to know how i am. the thought of replying to or looking at them fills me with dread.
                 answer: i've been thinking about entropy and the eventual, inevitable end of the universe. one day, on a scale that none of us can even comprehend, everything will be nothing and time will be meaningless. human civilization, all of our monuments and cities and societies, will be gone, with no one and nothing left to remember them. every act of cruelty and of kindness, any anger or joy or sadness ever experienced will mean nothing when us and all of our everything will be returned to the dust from whence we came. it's more than me contemplating my own morality, it's me trying to come to terms with the futility of the human experience. sometimes i get so overwhelmed with this sort of inconsolable nihilism i can't sleep.
                answer: i'm scared and i'm tired.
                answer: sometimes
                answer: i wish
                answer: i was
                answer: anywhere
                answer: but
                answer: here.
answer, spoken: i don't know. can i give it to you tommorow?

it doesn’t feel very nice when
someone likes you and
gets to know you and
then decides they
don’t like you so much