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muteD Feb 2020
I used to think nothing was stronger than love.
As long as we had love, nothing could come between us.
As long as I knew love I would never be heartless.
And as long as you knew I loved you, we would be fine.
Who knew I’d be wrong?
Maybe I love too hard.
That has to be it.
There has to be a reason why I feel so drained instead of feeling loved.
There has to be a reason why the feeling of judgement surrounds me like a suffocating blanket!
Oh! how to be able to breathe would feel..
Maybe I would be able to if I loved less.

Slowly but surely, love is becoming an unknown and foreign object to me.
Something that certainly can’t be attained.
Right?
How could I know love after all the pain I’ve sludged through?
It seems as out of reach as receiving any sort of maternal affection.
How could something so positive as Love impact me so negatively?
Maybe love isn’t as cracked out as it were made to seem
and maybe things will become better if I become Love-less.
Love is a strange thing, isn’t it?
Unknown Jan 2020
is there something wrong with me?

sometimes I wonder if the reason I have few friends,
is because something is wrong with me.

that people may not like the way
I speak,
or look,
what my interests are
or may just find me annoying.

this feeling causes me to feel as though I am unlikable,
which causes me to feel lonely in this big world we live in.

is there something wrong with me?
why do so many other people have lots of friends?
why am I so unapproachable?
why have I been gifted with the jinx of never having long lasting friends?

is there something wrong with me?
this is something I have been struggling with lots recently. This is for those that look around a huge room and truly realise how lonely they are.
kerri Dec 2019
i’ve lost enjoyment in what i used to love.

books left unread,
dust beginning to move in.

tv turned on,
my mind somewhere else.

video game systems untouched,
npcs wondering where their savior has gone.

guitars and piano sitting alone,
my fingers instead tapping on a phone.
Druzzayne Rika Nov 2019
I don't need more negativity in life
I have enough in me already
I am cutting you off
Avoiding till cannot
chris Nov 2019
an uncomfortable glaze over my vision
i do not like being here with you
my captor

the horrible noise from the speaker
it is nothing i enjoy
the soundtrack

the day is slow
wrote this at work when my boss that no one likes is here
I fking hate you.
You always make me see the negatives.
The half empty glass.
You bring me down when I'm in a good place.
You make me procasinate.
Festering on my fat a
.

You get inside my head.
Yet again, thats where you live.
Thats where you were born.
You left me once.
And I felt unstoppable.
I was better, I could have sworn.

Then you came back.
To show you never really left.
To try and take control again.
You make me feel so worthless.
You make me feel unloved.
You give me this excruciating, silent pain.

You will not defeat me.
I ignore the thoughts of death.
I will not do that to me.
I will not do that to my loved ones.
I will defeat you.
I will promise you. You'll see.
chris Oct 2019
I used to live in the simple world of right and wrong, positive and negative.  I grew out of an ordered world everything had to its place before i came along and belonged nowhere.  I cannot be compared, neither greater nor less nor equal to nothing. Now you see, it’s plain, I made the world complex. I changed the rules. People said it couldn’t be done but I said why not.  So many of you don’t bother to understand, you’re dismissive, judging based off a name or first impression that i must be fake, useless, false. As if i were less real than anything else. Or worse, you mechanically embrace that which you don’t understand, but you don’t care whether you understand.  As long as you can use, use, use.  The eye that you’re imagining isn’t real, isn’t true. Oh the pain,  when you finally come to that existentially horrific epiphany that nothing you ever understand as real actually exists.  That your whole world of truth is some megastructure resting atop his shoulders of tenuous assumptions.  How it hurts when you realize that what you thought you knew and loved was simple blind, dependents.  How it hurts when you realize that the safety of knowing everything is right is something you will never feel again.  How it hurts when you realize I can never be truly known.
I'm sick of being tired,
Tired of being sick.
I create this negative atmosphere,
The air is polluting and thick.

I can't help but see the negatives,
In everything I seem to contact,
Relationships, friendships,
Its like their only here under contract.

I feel like no one wants me,
To be around, even for a chat,
"Get the f*k away from me,
You ugly, hairy, fat, tw
t"

I know its all in my head,
But reality distorts in there,
I know people love me,
And people truly care.

But the wave of darkness,
Surrounds my skull,
I'm scared I'm loosing this battle,
The void might swollow me whole.

I try to be the light,
That makes people smile,
But I'm hidden behind this light,
I've been hiding for quite a while.

The face is a broken image,
But broken on the inside,
I don't want people to see this,
Thats why I hide.

Please, if you know me,
Just talk as if we're fine,
Ignore any insecurities,
They're not yours to deal with, they're mine.
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