i visit you in my dreams
cause that’s all i can feel

i visit you with love in my heart
i visit you with hate in my lungs
i visit you with tears on my face
i visit you with laughter on my tongue
i visit you with wishing i can have you back
in my arms the way i thought it would be

i fell for your kindness
that turned into cowardice

i wake up every time
with an empty stomach
not knowing if i want to live the reality
or live in the dream
all i know is i want to rest in peace
and let your memory rest in the casket

why is it that we
only believe the bad things
they say about us?

9:27 PM
10/9/19

I do not know how to not spiral. I don't know how to catch myself when I fall. I don't know how to put up my hands and make the darkness turn to light. I don't know how to sleep when tonight won't strike 12. I can wait, but then I sit. Waiting for the moon to tell me that it will be the last thing I see and it will be beautiful. But what if I cant bring myself to believe it? What if 12 never comes? What if it never leaves? What if Im stuck there? What if theres just always another 12 to wait for in the inevitable tomorrow? What if I dont make it there?

Her eyes become impatterned
Her lips spread apart from the idea and light up the dark

When others behave negatively
towards me,
my compassion is steadfast
for myself and others
because I am aware
that only with a compassionate attitude
can I achieve
joy and happiness
for myself and others.

I cannot explain
the radiating darkness
this tiny frame holds onto...
Like a black hole, small and dense
consuming all light surrounding.

A collapsing sun
once brilliant enough
to light up a solar system
now disappears upon
the event horizon.